10.29.2009

Day 76--- Some Where Over Your Shoulder...


Anyone who has ever drove around a car full of passengers has certainly had an encounter or two with this next individual "the back-seat driver"... They may normally be the most timid people you know, but as soon as you are chauffeuring them around they transform into a walking talking Google map OnStar* godless creature. It's totally a Jekyll and Hyde situation in my experiences.

Help is not bad in certain situations, for instance, when it is asked for, but unwanted help can be more annoying than not getting help when you need it... wrap your brain around that. When I am going from a point a to a point b that I have traveled a hundred times your sidekick expertise is not necessary and most definitely unwanted. I passed my student driving test when I was 16 and even then it was annoying to have someone telling me how to drive. But that dude had a bit more of a say considering he had a back up break on his side of the car, and of course the fact that he pretty much held my future driving freedom in his hands.

In my studies I've noticed that there are at least two different levels or classifications of back seat drivers.

First, there are the direction nazi's, those people who always think/know that their way is the best way to go. Whether it is a long distance or short distance trip they always seem to know all the back roads, right turns, and traffic trends for whatever area you are in... I've even had experiences with these people in cars equipped with a GPS system and they have the balls to argue with the GPS machine... They will sit and argue with a a satellite driven computer whose sole purpose is to give proper directions... This is like if i were to walk into an operating room and try to tell a brain surgeon (possibly Derek Shepherd) that my experience with brain freezes,5 seasons of Greys Anatomy and Scrubs, and winning Operation when I was 9 out qualifies his 25 years of school, residency, and experience... It's just wrong.

The second type of back-seat driver is the one who just blurts out orders, personally I think this person is a bit more annoying than the first, and a lot less helpful... I can tune out someone suggesting to take Shea down to Frank Lloyd Wright rather than the 101 freeway. However it is hard to tune out someone yelling "PASS them" or "get over" or "slow down" or any number of prefabricated blurts that they always yell out... This is also the more dangerous one to drive with because when you are not expecting someone to yell in your ear it can be quite startling... Some of them, if they have made their way to the passenger seat, will even grab your arm or reach across your chest. Hello, this is not a video game, this is a moving vehicle, might not be the smartest thing to do... I have even seen people who will grab the wheel, luckily no one has produced balls enough to do this to me. I assure you if they do they will be walking the rest of the way home...

The most successful way I have found to end this problem is to sneakily undo their seat belt and slam on the brakes, results will vary depending on how fast you are going... It's pretty fun regardless. If they are being really annoying and you dont mind replacing your wind shield I recommend accelerating first and then hitting the breaks to the point of screeching, just make sure there are no cars behind you. If you have done it correctly I promise you will have removed the problem... I learned this trick when I was just wee lad, my mom had perfected the skill of brake slamming, if we were ever acting up in the back seat she would just slam and we knew she meant business. She was extremely proud of herself when she also caught us without our belts on and we rammed into the seat back in front of us... I should mention that I only recommend this if you are willing to lose a friend or two, so practice with caution...

6 comments:

Secretia said...

I'm going to try that seat bely, brake slamming trick. BF can't shut the hell up when I drive.

Secretia

LMJ said...

Oh my gosh! That's so my husband! He doesn't want to drive when we go out, but LOVES to tell me how to drive ALL THE TIME! I always end up telling him: "Do you want to drive?" It keeps him quieto for about 5 minutes, and then he starts all over again!...ggggrrrrrrrrrr!!!

I will try that trick next time.

ScoMan said...

I've got plenty of friends, what difference does losing one or two make?

I have a friend who will laugh if you make a decision he wouldn't have made.

"Oh no, you're passing him now! Hahahaha"

"Oh, you turn left here? Hahaha, it's way quicker to.."

"You're doing 95 and it's a 100 zone? Hahahaha, not all of us have as much free time as you"

Yeah, I think I'd be okay with losing him.

Sara Marie said...

Your mom rocks. I would totally do that to my kids.

.:*aMbAr*:. said...

WOW!!! That's a great idea.. 'bout ur mom. Will def keep that in mind.

Nomad said...

i hope you guys have all taught some lessons without killing any friends or strangers.

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