10.17.2009

Day 64--- The Solo Facebook Photographer...


Facebook photographer syndrome is a common disease among our youth these days. If we don't help these troubled children when they first start its almost always too hard to reverse the path.

It starts one day when you realize your profile picture is a bit outdated. You've since gotten a new haircut, new wardrobe, new tattoo, or any number of things that you think that everyone should see. You don't want to have a full fledged paid photo shoot that would involve another person. So you innocently decide to set up a tripod in your room along with the camera your parents just bought. You figure out the timer situation, test the angles, and start coordinating the wardrobe. Before you know it you have filled up the whole memory card with hundreds of embarrassing shots of yourself in every pose, outfit, and camera setting you can work. The sad part is, after all this work you don't realize how embarrassing and not flattering the photos actually are. You think you look great, but you are delusional, you've just spent hours paparazzi-ing yourself and you feel the need to share it with the world. No longer was this outing just for one photo. No, no, no this outing now represents your first Facebook album, and the beginning of your sickness.
Since that day, you've convinced yourself of all sorts of fallacies. For instance, you are not actually a photographer. Just because you have figured out the brilliance of the sephia button does not mean your photos are presentable to the E-world. Also, you are not attractive, just because black and white manages to flush out most blemishes we can still see your face, which is your main problem.

Understand this is only the beginning, once this virus takes hold, the camera is with these people 24-7 . Within weeks there will be a whole album dedicated to shots taken in the mirror, shortly after that we have the outstretched arm album (commonly referred to as the Myspace angle). Then there will undoubtedly be photos with the family pet, thousands of them, which I do not need to remind you that no one cares about your pet as much as you do. Once they get a little more comfortable they will move into the swim-wear portion of photos, fueled by positive or negative comments, this can prove to be quite dangerous. Its a sickness.

Truthfully this post is more of a warning than anything else. Parents, if your children are locking themselves in their room with make-up and a digital camera its time to take charge because I assure you this is only the beginning. I've lost some good friends of mine to Facebook whoredom and its not a pretty sight, no person should spend more time on personal photos than they do with actual people. Not only is it wrong and strange but it pretty much guarantees an emo future. Lord knows none of you want to have emo children. So heed my warning and buy your teens PS3's and Ipods, and stay away from fueling the fire with a digital camera.

12 comments:

Kelly said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Yeah, those people are ridiculous! How do you feel about facebook/myspace friend whores? Say.... people who have 1,240 friends? winkwink...

ScoMan said...

Hey!

I've done this!

Except I didn't take myself seriously like these people do.

Mine was just me bored of my tits after locking myself a way for a week studying, so I pulled a bunch of faces and made an ass of myself.

Because I live to entertain. And without me, who would my friends and family laugh at?

plentymorefishoutofwater said...

As always you have stumbled upon a great social stupidity here. I think people who spend an entire night out taking photos for Facebook rather than having a good time also deserve a mention...
plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/

medula said...

How about those people who spend all their time taking photographs every time they go out for a dinner/coffee/at the corner of their lane to meet their friends, post an album with more than 60 pictures of the same smiling poses, and then, they ask you to comment on them...

thatgalkiki said...

It's plain and simple on-line network narcissism. You've lifted the veil and now serious attention must be paid to this epidemic. I, myself am guilty of the famous 'above the head' self-shot. I had to throw away the camera and immediately attend a 12-step program; clickers anonymous. I now have 100 new Facebook friends.

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

HAHAH! The Facebook angle! I never heard of that, but yeah it's true. Hehe.

:@}

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Uh-oh...I'm guilty. Bad habits are hard to break. But thanks for the heads up. =)

John "Salem" Purcell said...

You hit the nail on the head with this one, but is it already to late to stop the spread of this virus. It has raged on for a while now and it might have built up an immunity to any sort of treatment.

BTW, have you seen the cameras that have an LCD screen in the front? Now the virus is stronger than ever!

Quincifer said...

Hahaha I've done this.
However I have also done this while I've looked horrific and been drunk because its funny. Me and my best friends take awful pictures of ourselves all the time....I'd say theres nothing wrong with it, as long as you are just as willing to take the piss outta yourself too!

This Girl Says said...

hahaha...my favorite line: "Not only is it wrong and strange but it pretty much guarantees an emo future."

I totally have folders of self-portraits although I have too much dignity to post any of them. Great post, Ryan!

jules said...

"paparazzi-ing yourself" HA HA HA HA HA

angel6033 said...

AM so guilty of this lol, but I honestly thought this whole thing started with mypace lol in other words myspace angles aahahah!!

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