The lot made for parking is riddled with cars,
in the last place on earth you will ever see stars
Parade through the door past the wrinkled old greeter,
don't forget the pink sticker for that broken bird feeder
With the appearance of a homeless shelter and scent of Depends,
don't be alarmed this is how any trip to Wal-Mart begins
You head to the service desk avoiding collision,
passing the McDonald's and that store for eye vision
Returned that old feeder, now gift card in hand,
Finally free to roam cheap-o land
The sights and the sounds; overwhelming and spectaculating,
Especially that guy in the fitting room maste*bating
If this were Target he'd surely been fired,
but here at old Wal-Mart this is how you get hired
So many people, this place they infest
Did you know they got rid of those ugly blue vests?
Back to the mission a bird-feeder we need,
Oh wait, electronics, gotta check the Cd's
Forget it Wally World bleeps all the cuss words,
plus you really need a feeder for all those birds
Back on the search, but then you pass toys,
made by all the little Chinese girls and boys
Barbie's, board games, Avatars, LEGO's,
puzzles, Star Wars, and buckets of Play-Doh
Thousands of memories and hours of fun,
have once again distracted you from the job to be done
Press onward to garden, past the rakes and lawn gnomes,
towards the little bird feeders on the aisle with bird homes
Finally you make it, when shizlinkenstein "no!",
Some old man grabbed the last one just seconds ago
You beg and you plead for that thing that you need,
but his greed is the proof you will never succeed
"Would you let me have that feeder?"
"Could you let me I cant ask sweeter?"
"Can I have it? I won't ask twice?",
"OK, I will, but I'm asking real nice"
"May I have it for a trade?"
"pretty please with sugar and pink lemonade?"
Yes, I know that sounded gay,
but what do you say? Can I have it today?
He laughs in your face and then spits in your eye,
Oh now its on, this old man must die
You reach for his hair and pull back a wig,
For a fight that started off small, it's sure getting big
Employees surround and chant out his name,
apparently you've challenged a greeter who's risen to fame
One punch, two punch, three punch, four,
One more punch you're on the floor
On the floor and now your bleeding, this is what you get for pleading,
loving birds, and feeding seeding; a bloody nose and quite a beating
The employees scram and leave you alone,
Should have just exchanged for a silly lawn gnome
One of those creepy things for the front of your home,
(yes, you're close to the end of the poem)
No luck today at the smiley-face store,
but this wont be your last trip to the land of the poor.
(Disclaimer: The views expressed in this post are not necessarily those shared by the owner of the blog... Dr. Seuss made me do it... If you could not tell this was week 5 of our blogger idol, post had to be in Dr. Seuss style to count. I hope you enjoyed it or at least had a laugh.... If you did please go vote for me over at Knuckleheads blog... We are down to only 3 of us so check them out, pick your favorite, and vote on the right hand side...!!! I hate losing!!!)