1.07.2010

Day 146--- Faux Glasses...


First off I just want to encourage everyone who comes by today to come back tomorrow to check out my post for week two of the Blogger Idol. The topic will be a story from my childhood, I have not decided what I am going to write about just yet but I assure you that it will more than likely be funny, embarrassing, and self incriminating in some way or another... It will undoubtedly give you some form of insight to why I am the way that I am, well, if you are a Psychologist it will, if you are just an average reader you will probably just think I am effed up... If you are an avid follower of my blog, or really even if you have gotten lost here more than once, I would love as much support as I can get. If you could just send people my way any time between Sunday and Wednesday to check out my post and vote for me I will love you forever, in return I will post a shout out blog of some form to send people your way... (Just have them name drop you in a comment, or come by and name drop yourself)... This is the extent of my self promotion at this point, but I find word of mouth to have been fairly successful at this point...

Today I have decided to post about a group of people that really are not all that annoying, in fact you probably wouldn't notice them if you ran into them. But I assure you there are at least a few people on earth who would wear fake prescription glasses. In fact, I was one of these weirdos for almost a year of my life... In my defense, I had so many of my friends tell me that I looked smart, and this was obviously something I was not used to. Also in my defense, I did not purchase the glasses, one of my roommates had bought them from Urban Outfitters, and I pretty much confiscated them the moment he got home with them. I had wanted to wear glasses my entire life, because, well, I thought they made me look smart too. But I was cursed with 20/15 (apparently better than perfect or something) vision so I had never been fortunate enough to make a life altering trip to Eye Masters. I don't know what it is about glasses that made me want them, I certainly was no sexy librarian, but every time I put them on a feeling of invisibility and invincibility came over me. I was ready to rule the world in these things. I know I'm strange, its time you all realize this as well.

I understand that wearing glasses essentially made out of clear plastic is stupid, its sort of like using a cane if you don't need one. Well, come to think of it pimps do that, maybe wearing glasses when you don't need them can be the whitey pimp cane, not cool enough?... Its funny looking back on it now, (really this was only like 3 years ago)... there were plenty of times I accidentally left the house without the glasses and had to run home to get them, causing me to be a few minutes late to work. They kinda became a mini obsession, they made me superman, and I was only Clark Kent without them. All of my friends knew that they were fakes, and sure they would tease me about them, if I ever showed up somewhere without them they would say "can you see OK?" and other shit like that... I wouldn't expect any less from them... I think if anything wearing those things for about a year my vision may have gotten worse, but I was on top of the world with those things so I didn't care.

Allow me to take the focus off of myself for a second, these glasses came from a very popular fashion store. Which leads me to believe that I was not the only person sneaking through New York City in fraudulent glasses. And if they were sold in New York then they must have trickled down through the rest of middle America, someone you know may very well be wearing a pair of glasses with less magnification than a window. How embarrassing, while at the same time, how stylish...

The conclusion of this blog is a sad one. Valentines Day, two or three years ago, probably two but to distance myself from this phase as much as I can we will say three. OK, so three years ago, on Valentines day, I was working a promotional event in the city. Handing out KY jelly to people in the cold February wind, but hey I was paid like $200 a day and I was with friends so I wasn't complaining. Anyways, we were right outside of Madison Square Garden, there was some sort of event going on so we were posted up there waiting for the crowd. I had my trusty glasses, nothing else was necessary. I stepped out of the van that we were using for the event, and the glasses fell off my face and onto the ground. Now they had fallen before so this was not the worst part, the worst part was that I was already in motion to step my ass out of the van, and my foots target area just so happened to be the spot that my glasses had decided to land. Therefore crushing the only facial-wear that I had ever loved. As funny as this may seem to you, for me it felt as though I had just crushed both of my prosthetic legs and arms at the same time. I had grown so sickly attached to these damn things I think I actually felt a bit sick to my stomach, I knew when I reached down and pulled up two pieces that our love affair was over. The few people who I was working with, who knew the history of the glasses found it quite funny, I however wanted to go on sick leave. I made it through the rest of the night and decided to laugh it off, I knew that there would never be a pair as great as my first ones so I didn't even attempt to look...

I look back now and laugh at myself, I was fully aware the whole time I had them that I would have been making fun of anyone else for wearing them. But I am a huge ass hypocrite so that's all good... Now that I don't have my fake glasses anymore, besides having a very bare face I am once again allowed to openly make fun of those who wear them. So please let me know if any of you have friends or family members who do this, or have done this. So that I can make fun of them/feel more normal for my old obsession...

Yes, that is me in the pictures. I had to show you the glasses.

16 comments:

Allyson said...

the guy in the pictures = hot

Shanna R. Riker said...

Its ok. Tina Fey did it too. And she admitted it :)

.:*aMbAr*:. said...

Jajajaja...you might have felt smart but you looked great in them!!!

Natalie said...

Guy in pictures - hot in glasses

LMJ said...

I don't blame ya...you did look hot.

I wear them because I have to. It sucks ass when you're at the gym and they come off; or when I'm holding the LO and she grabs them off my face. =P

I had a cousin that used to wear fake glasses. She didn't look hot, though; maybe cause he was my cousin, I don't know.

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Candice said...

I actually hated glasses so much that I paid $3500 to have Lasik eye surgery, and it was the best decision ever. I've also developed weird stereotypes about people wearing glasses, and I can no longer date guys who wear them. You, however, make them look incredibly attractive. Thank you for setting me straight.

ScoMan said...

I think people probably think I'm one of these people. I have stigmatisms which means my eyes have a weird shaped lens, so the only thing my glasses do is through the magic of weird shaping somehow (okay I wasn't listening when I got them, I was sitting there thinking "Looks like I'm not going on holidays for a bit, how much is this going to cost?") so when people put them on they get no blurry vision or anything. They're like "What is that.. glass?" and I'm like "Yeah, but it's shaped differently because my eyes lens is shaped weird" and I don't think many people buy that.

In saying that, if by some miracle I was told I wouldn't need glasses, I'd still wear them. I like them, and they are a part of me now.

kaloo said...

I've known a couple of this sort. They weren't bad people or as crazy as you. One of them was a VERY unattractive lady. I have no idea why she thought they were styling cool.

corvedacosta said...

The pictures are great. I love the post and your craziness lol

angel6033 said...

OMG! I finally get to see the genius behind the blog and what better then wearing fake glasses lol? I sent you some people to vote on one of my last blog posts, Ill do it again so glad you made it to the second round, cant wait to hear your story, ah it will be great!!

thb said...

haha! i used to wear my aunt's glasses when i was little, bc i liked them. boy, that was a mistake. now i have crappy vision. i wear them only when i'm lazy or in the mood to look smart. p.s. those glasses do look hot.

Nomad said...

maybe i'll have to invest in some new ones... look you guys have stirred the monster...

crystal wine glasses said...

Can anyone recommend me a website where I can download free stain glass patterns. I'm looking for classic patterns (abstract, symetrical) vs images of animals, flowers, etc.

crystal wine glasses said...

I'm planning on painting on plexi glass to look like stain glass. I'm going to solder the edges.

Web designer India said...

what he is going to do.??????????

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