Day 162--- Fanseussicaltastimazing...


The lot made for parking is riddled with cars,
in the last place on earth you will ever see stars

Parade through the door past the wrinkled old greeter,
don't forget the pink sticker for that broken bird feeder

With the appearance of a homeless shelter and scent of Depends,
don't be alarmed this is how any trip to Wal-Mart begins

You head to the service desk avoiding collision,
passing the McDonald's and that store for eye vision

Returned that old feeder, now gift card in hand,
Finally free to roam cheap-o land

The sights and the sounds; overwhelming and spectaculating,
Especially that guy in the fitting room maste*bating

If this were Target he'd surely been fired,
but here at old Wal-Mart this is how you get hired

So many people, this place they infest
Did you know they got rid of those ugly blue vests?

Back to the mission a bird-feeder we need,
Oh wait, electronics, gotta check the Cd's

Forget it Wally World bleeps all the cuss words,
plus you really need a feeder for all those birds

Back on the search, but then you pass toys,
made by all the little Chinese girls and boys

Barbie's, board games, Avatars, LEGO's,
puzzles, Star Wars, and buckets of Play-Doh

Thousands of memories and hours of fun,
have once again distracted you from the job to be done

Press onward to garden, past the rakes and lawn gnomes,
towards the little bird feeders on the aisle with bird homes

Finally you make it, when shizlinkenstein "no!",
Some old man grabbed the last one just seconds ago
You beg and you plead for that thing that you need,
but his greed is the proof you will never succeed

"Would you let me have that feeder?"
"Could you let me I cant ask sweeter?"

"Can I have it? I won't ask twice?",
"OK, I will, but I'm asking real nice"

"May I have it for a trade?"
"pretty please with sugar and pink lemonade?"
Yes, I know that sounded gay,
but what do you say? Can I have it today?

He laughs in your face and then spits in your eye,
Oh now its on, this old man must die

You reach for his hair and pull back a wig,
For a fight that started off small, it's sure getting big

Employees surround and chant out his name,
apparently you've challenged a greeter who's risen to fame

One punch, two punch, three punch, four,
One more punch you're on the floor

On the floor and now your bleeding, this is what you get for pleading,
loving birds, and feeding seeding; a bloody nose and quite a beating

The employees scram and leave you alone,
Should have just exchanged for a silly lawn gnome

One of those creepy things for the front of your home,
(yes, you're close to the end of the poem)

No luck today at the smiley-face store,
but this wont be your last trip to the land of the poor.



angel6033 said...

wow, that was good, and funny...:) now off to vote ...I hope you win..

Juliana said...

You SHOULD win! This was beautifully and comically written. I used to work pretty high up at Target so I got a HUGE kick out of this. Have a great weekend. You are the Daughtry and Underwood of Blogger Idol dude!

Anonymous said...


Chris said...

Bonus points for "in the fitting room maste'bating."

Unknown said...

They got rid of the blue vests??

Lothiriel said...

voted it!! This was funny!!

I didn't know they got rid of the blue vests!

http://howtobecomeacatladywithoutthecats.blogspot.com said...

Dr. Seuss does WalMart! Hilarious!

PoMiFoS said...

Fantastic! I voted for you. It looks like it will be a close one to get into the finals. Good Luck!

Fragrant Liar said...

HA! Nicely done. Very Doc Seussian.

screwdestiny said...

Loved it! I've got to check out the other blogs now, but yours was quite good.

ScoMan said...

Great Dr Seussism. As I said, I've tried in the past and failed. You have succeeded well my friend, and good luck in Blogger idol.

Alissa Grosso said...

Loved the Seussian view of Wal-Mart shopping - I'm off now to vote.

Tracie Nall said...

Definite bonus points for the Dr. Seuss-ness. I voted! :)

Nomad said...

looking back. i should have won this... im a funny bitch.

Blogger said...

Anyone here is interested in getting a FREE MC DONALD'S GIFT CARD?

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