Day 150--- Whatever Floats Your Boat...

After reading a few of my comments from yesterday I have to say that I am shocked that some of you enjoy my immature writing and dont love Conan's immaturity, but I am not complaining, as long as you keep coming back. Anyways, I am going to write today about a group of people that I have never quite understood in my life... Let it be known that if you are in this group I dont hate you, you dont even necessarily annoy me, but I will judge you from now until the day you die. Just sayin... So without creating any more confusion and excitement, I have decided to write about fans of "professional" wrestling, and maybe a jab or two at wrestlers themselves...

I am hoping if you continued reading past the first paragraph that you are not one of these morons. But if you are I will do my best to only borderline offend and not to hurt y-, well no I'll probably offend you at some point if I'm lucky... I believe it is only fair though with all of the offense that both you guys and wrestling have caused me over the years...

First off lets just get one thing straight, for the record and all that. Wrestling is retarded, it is the real world equivalent to the loser-ness of World of Warcraft, and the human equivalent to Nascar racing... Yes I realize that both of those things have a lot of fans, but sometimes the majority means all the fools are on one side... I would actually rather be seen watching anime and playing World of Warcraft at a Nascar race than I would want anyone to catch me dead at a wrestling match... For that matter even to catch me watching it on TV, I would be more embarrassed being caught with this on than I would be if my entire family walked in on me watching scrambled porn. Because really when you break it down this stuff is really nothing more than softcore gay porn anyways... When half of the moves you cheer the loudest for consist of having another dudes head in your crotch, you might be a gay redneck... (And I have no problem with gays or rednecks but when you put them together some one is bound to get hurt)... Cheering for a wrestling match is like going to a Milli Vanilli reunion tour and pretending you dont know they lipsinc. Being a fan of wrestling is like having a lop sided boob job and trying to pass it off for real boobies... Even when I was a kid I cannot remember a time that I was impressed by these shenanigans...

I think that is part of the reason it shocks me to the core that millions of people across our country get boners for this shit... Now, I would be slightly less shocked if the majority of the followers were developing female teens, you know the Robert Pattinson type, but it is quite the contrary. The fans are typically men from ages 8-55 who are getting their boxers wet to the sight of over grown sweaty dudes with long hair bouncing around on an oversized trampoline in tights. I rather enjoy two sweaty men in shiny shorts hitting each each other in the face repeatedly. But they quickly lose me when they strip to their Vicky's, pretend to smack each other and pull each others hair, and then proceed to pen each other in any one of the Kamasutric moves that they can... I can only imagine the massive amounts of mullets in the crowd and motor homes in the parking lot at one of these events. Second only to a Larry the Cable Guy stand-up concert, and there is absolutely nothing appealing about that scene to me... Knowing that wrestling exists makes me long for the days of gladiators when the fighting was not choreographed and people actually got injured during the match...

As lame as those at home videos are of kids jumping off the roof onto each others heads and then crashing onto a table, at least I would leave watching those with the satisfaction of seeing some blood... I wouldnt be surprised if the WWE or whatever it is called was not even allowed to show blood in their "performances"... The time or two that I have witnessed this stuff, I watched one dude hit another guy in the face multiple times (while adding the stomping effect), and to my surprise and dismay not a drop of blood. Not humanly possible.

OK, I guess I really could rant and rave about this all day, I literally have made fun of these people my entire life. But I guess the truth may just be that I am in the dark about the huge appeal, so can somebody, anybody explain it to me? Why would any self respecting human want to watch this nonsense, there are plenty of fans out there and I just dont get it... So, now is your time to enlighten me...