Day 74--- Tiffany & Co.@k$...

So I have not had to deal with today's group for some time now, but for one reason or another they crossed my mind today. I have chosen specifically the rude Tiffany & Co. employees, but really this is probably the case for any employee who works at some fancy schmancy jeweler or retail store.

When I lived in NYC anytime I had friends or family in town I would give them a tour of the city. In fact I could walk you to all of the proper destinations from the top of central park to the tip of battery park throughout the course of one day. Obviously Tiffany & Co. on 5th avenue is a must, especially if my company was female. Over 5 years living in the city you can only imagine how many times I had to go look at all the shiny pretty things I could not afford. Anyways, the reason I've chosen their employees is simple, they are all douche bags.

From the moment I/we would walk in the door they are staring down their noses at us, like we were an NBA team that just showed up to a KKK meeting. They treat everyone without an Armani suit or a Fendi purse like they were some homeless man with a fresh urine trail down his leg. Don't even dare ask a question or step too close to the counter or you will receive a glare that looks like it was meant for someone yelling in a library. I wouldn't be half surprised if they carried around tazer guns to zap the entire middle class who was brave enough to enter. I can only imagine what would happen if you got close enough to leave finger prints on the glass counters, they would probably lock you up and go Jigsaw on your ass. Even the elevator butler finds time in between pressing buttons to flash me a condescending glare our direction.

Where do they get off? Do they have to train to get this sort of attitude? Do they think that they ARE Tiffany? Or do they just hire the people who are really bitchy and asshole-y in their interviews. Either way there are a couple things that still have me leaving feeling superior to them:

A. They are pretty much all ugly (other than maybe the janitor and elevator dude). I believe this is worked into their sales strategy, they employ ugly old people so that you can feel more attractive while shopping. Which studies show that feeling attractive will make you to spend more money. (OK so I made that all up, but it makes sense to me). Abercrombie and Fitch needs to jump on this train because I refuse to buy jeans from a shirtless man-ican whos smells of the woods ever again.

B. I know that they just work there, which means..... hey, you assholes cant afford this shit either. Just because you work at the Bentley of retail does not mean you are making a $100k a year. That uniform you are wearing was on sale at Ross and your shoes hail from Payless and don't even get me started on your hair piece. You are no better than me you've only found a job that lets you pretend you are a gift to retail stop being delusional. You are not Tiffany and you are barely Co..

Phew, I feel better now that I've gotten that off of my chest. The truth of the matter is, that little rant has been pent up inside me for years every time I go in there I want to break something or spit on someone, but I don't want to disappoint Audrey Hepburn. Anyways, thanks for reading.

Scoman, buddy, I am going to find something sooner or later that you can relate to full on. You're in Au. right? I was thinking mullets or rat tails? When I was there those things ran wild! Any suggestions???


ScoMan said...

I think rude sales people we can all relate to. Not necessarily the "holier than thou" sales people, but just rude sales people in general. Although we do have Tiffany's here, I've been lucky enough to never have to enter the store (there's an EB Games down the road, keeps me amused)

Attack the mullet. Sounds like a great idea to me.

missykimmy said...

Oh I so know what you mean! I can't stand it when the salesperson at a fancy shop pretends that he/she's all superior. I think no one can.

"Do they think that they ARE Tiffany?" haha, LOVE this.

That post made me laugh out loud. Thank you!

Dorian said...

Perhaps the next annoying thing to smug retail employees are girls who stand on an elevated median and, when attempting to cross the street, flash everyone driving by. That's pretty annoying--well, for a girl that is. Maybe you boys enjoy it. But don't they look like idiots??! thinking they're amazing and classy while they show off their goods to the whole drunken sidewalk. (note--I do realize the possibility that this only happens in New Orleans where I live.)

Lothiriel said...

I went to one of these fancy stores to buy a gift card/certificate for my little sister--it was her birthday.

I was 50 pounds heavier then. As soon as I entered the store, the sales b*tch proceeded to tell me that they did not carry my size! LMAO!!!

I went off on her immediately, with things like, where do you get off acting all snob when you can't even afford this sh*t yourself with your little retail salary...among other nasty truthful and hurtful things.

Needless to say, I didn't buy anything else. Once in a while, I pass by there, I mess up their neatly folded stuff, just for fun.

Anonymous said...

One day, I hope I'm rich enough to walk into one of those stores looking like a beggar, so that when one of them is rude to me I can whip out my Gold Membership Card and be an asshole right back. Snobby fucks.

Does Tiffany even have Gold Membership Cards?

AngeliStarr said...

I despise walking on 5th ave. I refuse. It reminds me of all the things I cant afford that I refuse to buy even if I could. And all the people there are snobs! ugh. 5th ave sucks balls

Anonymous said...

i hate people like that. boo.

Alyssa said...

now generally i agree with you whole heartedly! BUT! my only dealing with tiffany and co peeps was exceptional!

I was in Melbourne for a weekend and a tiny bit lost- bought a bracelet and the server person drew me up a few maps for all the cool little shops in the alley ways and gave me her number incase i got lost! now THATS service :)

.:*aMbAr*:. said...

UGHHHHH I would rub on body butterm and then just touch EVERY counter jajaja

HINT: Go buy body butter... NOW

Cecily said...

The time that we went in there, the guy was very nice! Remember, he sang happy birthday to me, and read me some..fortune thing? I don't really remember what it was haha

Nomad said...

cecily- that was because i looked like a balla, dont ruin my stories :)

ambar- great idea but i hate lotion, ill leave it up to you.

al- everyone is nicer in australia

angeli- i have never seen 5th ave suck balls, i have seen it cradle them a time or two tho.

redhead- they probably have some sort of for dbags only card.

lmj, this is the type of harmless revenge i love. you are making sure someone has a job tomorrow.

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