9.25.2009

Day 42--- The Winona Ryder Roomie...


If you have ever live in a house with roommates and a shared fridge I'm almost positive you have had to deal with this little rat. Whether they do it knowingly or in a drunken stupor its one of the most annoying things ever. Many a time I have come home from work thinking about tearing into my left over pizza, only to find the empty box in the trash. Its awful to wake up in the morning with sights set on a nice bowl of Fruity Pebbles only to find out someone decided their Oreo's needed your milk more than you did.

I kid you not when I first moved to Hawaii I actually witnessed a roommate drink my orange juice out of the carton through a crack in my door, and then deny that he touched it. This is extremely annoying especially now that orange juice is apparently made from pressed 24 karat gold. I'm not a selfish person, I'll probably share but just because you know I may allow it if you ask is in no way a substitute for actually asking. Especially when it comes to alcohol, sometimes all I want at the end of the day is that $3 bottle of Trader Joe's wine, yes the whole bottle, not the one glass of stale wine you left me. Getting me back next time is not an option unless you are going to be uncorking a new bottle by the time I sit down on the couch. I've even had someone try and compensate by putting water into my vodka bottle, while they are the same color this is not the brightest escape route when I'm keeping it in the freezer. This meat head clearly didn't realize that water freezes, but my balls have more brain cells than this guy so I was not terribly shocked.
Those of us who care about our food take many measures to protect our grub, initialing is a classic way to thwart these sticky fingers in a crowded home. However, if that does not work and you have made at least one verbal attempt to stop them, I am a supporter in taking more drastic measures. Tampering with our own food is not something we want to do, its a last resort, but once the cost of food loss outweighs the price of Ex-lax and eye drops it is well worth it. You could also dip or mix in something nasty or rotten, but sometimes causing them witness-able physical pain is necessary, especially by way of bowel movements. Side note: This is also fun if you work with a food bandit, that way everyone knows who is Oceans 11-ing their lunch-box. It is embarrassing as adults that management has to put up signs that say, "please do not touch food that does not belong to you" I have seen it. Do you think these are the people who used to be bully's and steal peoples lunch at school? They've just out grown the beating up part. This is exceptionally disgusting considering most of the places I've worked looks like they let Fear Factor use the fridge for their food. What do my co-workers eat??? OK, that was a long side note. In the meantime I did some research on roommate etiquette and I'm happy to tell you that it is less rude to make your roommates crap their pants then it was for them to eat your food, so we win!

I do have to end on a happy note though, after quite the array of roommates over the past year I am finally living with a house full of people who respect my foods privacy. None of them read my blog, but if they ever do, cheers.

PS. Ally, thanks for today's inspiration, I'll cook for you when you come visit :-) ...

6 comments:

Allyson said...

thank my roommates lol

liked the post, you are too funny

Cameron Glogau said...

Ryan, love this post. In a way, you really should THANK F the Tank. I beleive that he provided the majority of the inspiration for this post.

Nomad said...

Haha... I don't think I will ever meet anyone I dislike as much as Frank.

Kelly said...

OOOH! I love this one! I once had someone steal an entire bunch of carrots, CARROTS! I had mistakenly thought that having healthy, vegetarian food would thwart my carnivorous, stoner roommates, but alas, I was mistaken.

Cecily said...

I've dealt with this the ENTIRE past yearrrr with my former(thank God) roommate! I had to end up putting all of my food in a trunk in my room. If asked, I'd say "sure!" but when ya try and sneak around...not okay.

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