I honestly don't know who I am more upset with, the person who designed Crocs, or the people with no sense of style who wear them. Upset really does not describe my true animosity towards these things. It seems as though they started out as a sandal substitute that one would wear on a day to the beach or at the pool. Now I'm seeing people wear these atrocious things out to dinner, at weddings, at funerals, and so on there is no end to their shamelessness.
Just because they can be found in all the colors of the rainbow does not mean they can be worn with any outfit. The only time these are acceptable at a funeral is if you are the one getting cremated, while wearing them. I've recently noticed that the designers even thought it would be a good idea to make little holes to put charms in. Now I see people of all ages running around with a bunch of charms on their feet. They look like a cross between a Payless, Claire's, and a Christmas tree from the ankle down.
This has got to stop. I never have been around of group of people and heard someone say "Oh, look at those Crocs, those are cute, I need to get a pair". If I had ever heard one of my friends utter those words, we would no longer be friends. NO, I'm not shallow, I just don'thang out with stupid people who dress like they are 9 years old, even Kanye West would be embarrassed to be seen with you. And Lord knows he is looking for some friends right now. There really should be a maximum age they are allowed to sell this foot fungus to, 9 maybe 10. The age in which we switch to boxers and training bras seems perfect. If you are over 4 foot 6, past 5Th grade, and or can color inside the lines, you are too old to be wearing Crocs. I'm sure it makes you feel like you have a playground on your feet but please grow up, you are not a kid again Michael Jackson. You may think I would change my mind if I owned a pair of them, but you would sooner get me to sit through "Watchmen" a second time then have me try on a pair of Crocs.
If you are reading this post and you own a pair I assure you it is not too late for you to seek help. I hear that in most towns across the country they hold Croc melting parties/support groups for people with your affliction. (I believe they are called "Die Crocs" or "Croc Hunters"). They are typically held after "AA" meetings and before "those who have have mullets" meetings. One way or another you need to be reaching out for help. I cant promise we will be here for you every step of the way, especially if you continue wearing them in the process, but I will assure you open arms in the end.
Friends don't let friends wear Crocs.