9.07.2009

Day 24--- Tits McGee...


Boobs are like car wrecks. OK, let me re-phrase that, boobs with little kids sucking on them are like car wrecks (too graphic? then you get my point). They are like car wrecks because even when you know you shouldn't look, you cant help but stare. It does not matter if the cars are nice or new you still want to see what condition they are in. This is precisely why breast feeding in public should not be allowed. Unless of course you want me to sit there waiting for your baby to take a breath. Yes, I'm aware that it is a natural and necessary process, but so is my desire to stare at breasts. I cant tell you how many times Ive walked up to a table, (for those who just joined us, I'm a waiter) and some lady has got her feed-bag out being milked by some diaper-fest. Hey I'm hungry too, but I'm not allowed to eat on the floor (especially not oyster crackers-inside joke).

You remember when we were in school, and we could not take out a snack unless we had enough for the whole class. If we enforce this rule for milkin-madres then maybe I'll stop caring. Otherwise, go to the bathroom, do it before you leave home, or pump it into a bottle. Its hard enough for guys to look women in the face when they are talking to them, you can assume its at least 72.3 times harder when we have a chance to see the nip. Yes, you just had a baby. Yes, you are probably married. That's part of the fun, its like a bonus round if we see ones that we would not see otherwise.

I know they have made these shirts that you can lift up and put the baby's head underneath, which I do appreciate. I can guarantee you we are all still trying to see what's under there. This I compare to the aftermath of that same car wreck from above. They now have tarps, white sheets, and police tape over everything, but you are one rubber necking S.O.B to try and see what's under there (I know, I've been caught behind you in traffic). People are curious, people are nosey, and if this was not true no one would relate to any of my blogs. If this were the Garden of Eden no one would mind if you just plopped your situation out and let the little sucker (haha-intended) go to town but this is 2009 and boobs are just as fascinating to me today as they were in 8Th grade. So the deal is, if you don't mind sharing feel free to feed. If you don't agree with the sharing is caring policy, first of all, shame on you; but more importantly wait for the car.

Needless to say, I had fun choosing today's picture. It took longer than usual to find the right one.

4 comments:

Sara Marie said...

hahahahahahahahha


LDOL

kami said...

god i love it!!

Noland said...

no one makes you eat in the restroom, so the baby doesnt need to either. im assuming your next statement is something about the toilet seat being down and a)still millions of germs fly and b)there are no toilet seats in most public restrooms. a lot of women DO pump before they leave the house, but that doesnt account for emergencies and you have no way of knowing how much food a baby will actually need. having said that, feel free to stare, clearly she doesnt care or she'd have the decency to use a blanket er something like any civilized woman.

Juan Thomas said...

You know...you have a good point here. Human nature is to look. It doesn't matter if it's some mom's 34Cs with a child going to town or a 2007 Ford Mustang that's in a fenderbender, human nature is to look. For instance, think about an accident on the interstate. The accident could be in the the southbound lanes. Naturally, those lanes would have the stop-and-go, the on-lookers and such. But, you may notice that the northbound lane--where absolutely nothing is wrong--is stop-and-go with on-lookers until you pass the scene of the accident. It happens all the time when I'm at home in Birmingham. I'll be caught up in stop-and-go traffic, thinking it's an accident in both lanes and when I get by an accident scene in the opposite lane, the traffic opens up. It's just human nature to look...or maybe human nature in America. Since I've been in Tokyo, people just mind their business for the most part.

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