Day 19--- Trust Me. It's Not Going Over Our heads.

"If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it was meant to be, if it doesn't then please don't buy a toupee".

I don't know if that's exactly how the saying goes, but for the purposes of this blog. It is. Every time I see someone wearing a hideous head piece I think to myself. Self, "do they really think the rat on their head looks better than just being bald?". You can always go Mr. Clean and shave it. Granted you're gonna end up spending more on razors and sunscreen, but at least you are not going to have a Donald Trump situation going on up there. Believe me, as one of the most judgey people watchers on earth, you will be taken way more seriously without the hat of hair. You may as well be wearing a piece of scrap metal on your head because everyone knows its not really yours. Even more importantly, if people ever tell you that your hair looks good. They are lying, they know you are self conscious about it and they are either mocking you are trying to make you feel better. Even little kids can tell when you are wearing horse hair, which is awful because you know they point out everything.

I saw this dude the other night with like a deep red toupee that may as well have been Davy Crockett's raccoon hat. His sideburns were long and gray, his hair was red, come on buddy even Helen Keller would laugh at you for this mistake. (the joke being that she is blind)... I do feel bad that you are losing your hair before you were ready to, but I instantly stop caring when you think you can trick me with an entry mat you've glued crookedly to your dome. You are insulting me and my intelligence at this point and now I go from feeling sorry to feeling upset.

The bottom line is that you are not fooling anyone, not even five year old's. So if you'd like to save any dignity at all, from either dodging stares or a big gust of wind, shave and put a damn hat on. One without hair glued to it.

PS. Ill get to weaves another day.


Kelly said...

You could also go after bad comb-overs, shinning with grease!

Anonymous said...

:( im so sad that i didnt have internet for week for this blog post alone.

Related Posts with Thumbnails