11.09.2009

Day 87--- Tyranny...


So it turns out I'm retarded and not very good at keeping track of what day of the week it is. I think this happens when you stop going to school and don't have a job, at least that is my excuse. Not that anyone was really affected by my mishap but yesterday was indeed supposed to be celebrity Sunday and I didn't realize until I was about to post my blog and my girlfriend said something... What would I do without her... Anyways, I'm doing it today, consider it a holiday. I could not go one day longer without writing about Tyra Banks.

First off, I do call her by her full name because I don't think she is deserves to be recognized by just a first name. I understand she may be the only Tyra in show business, but I wouldn't care if she were the only person on earth with that name, she does not get one name, she is not Ellen.

She didn't bother me as much when she was only on Americas Next Top Model, because although she was still annoying at least she was playing in her own yard. Whoever told her she should have her own talk show needs to be put away for a long long time, there is a crime there somewhere and I'm determined to find it. Her show is like an April fools joke that just wont end, its like if Oprah were to get a face lift, drink a few Red Bulls, and hire a writing staff straight out of middle school (and I cant stand Oprah either). Any time I have been stuck in the same room with this show it has been more detrimental for my brain cells than sniffing rubber cement out of a bag filled with aerosol after I had just hit a bong and downed a balloon full of helium. What does she know about real life? She has been modeling since the 11th grade, and world famous since before she could drink. I'm not saying that she has not had to deal with her own set , but her having a show that helps real people with real life makes as much sense as having Macaualy Culkin and Drew Barrymore teaching a seminar on how to have normal childhoods.

Tyra Banks is what is wrong with the world today. She is to talk shows, as Bush is to government, as Roman Polanski is to slumber parties, or as M Night Shyamalan is to a movie. Bad, all bad. She does more makeover shows than Bravo and HGTV put together, and these are the only ones worth watching. I think she must be sponsored by "spanks" and some weave company because she spends a quarter of each episode talking about how she is human enough to wear/use this stuff... I've never seen any one argue with you about that Tyra, I understand the power of photoshop you don't have to convince me of your normalcy. You are about as necessary to talk television as a book is to Lindsey Lohan. She actually thought about having a music career also at one point, and recorded a few songs that obviously no one ever heard. In my opinion her album was probably the most successful thing she had done since the "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air". I heard that one of the challenges next season on ANTM is going to be to listen all the way through her CD, probably the toughest challenge yet, seems more like something they'd have to do on Survivor.

When its all said and done I have to realize that this is not all Tyra Banks' fault, she is a product of (I'm sure) many people telling her she could be whatever she wanted to be when she grew up, so she thought she could be Oprah. Now instead of one God awful annoyance we have two of them, FML. She is the nails on my chalkboard while Oprah is still the two pieces of Styrofoam rubbing together while a fork and knife scrape a plate. Its gonna take a power bigger than me to take this one down, her head is already so big that it has grown a landing strip. The only thing we can hope for is that Ricki Lake will decide to come back to daytime TV and reclaim her spot as the most annoying lesbian on TV. But until that day comes, "smile with your eyes"...

12 comments:

ScoMan said...

Another celebrity I'm lucky to be living without.

I mean, she did have America's Next Top Model here, but that didn't last long. I don't think we have her talk show, but maybe we do on a channel I never watch.

So maybe she's here, and I've just been lucky enough to avoid it all.

Ignorance is bliss.

Quincifer said...

We totally don't get much Tyra Banks time in the UK and I think its a good thing!
I have no interest in knowing a model's opinion on anything unless she can prove she has something else to offer the world!

I know you're a guy but you might like this for buying your girl something....come check out my blog for a special discount code http://quinciferrr.blogspot.com/

carissajaded said...

um yeah... Tyra sucks balls. My cousin works for her and at least she is nice in person...

and she has cool guests. Did you see the woman with two vaginas last week?

fuchsiag said...

This season it's pronounced "smize"... *shudder*

Kate said...

Aaaaah that damn smile with your eyes crap drives me insane! Loved the post

Kate x

angryredhead said...

She's INSANE. Did you see the episode where she talks about vaseline? HOLY CRAP. Youtbe it.

Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills said...

I have been trying to do this smile with your eyes thing for the longest while since I heard about it. I just look like I'm opening my eyes really big while trying to keep them open and squinting at the same time.

Lol.

But you should take a gander at Wendy Williams. Now there's an awful show if I ever saw one.

missykimmy said...

Aw I remember liking Tyra Banks. Surprisinly, after this post, not anymore! You shouldn't be so influencial, damn you!

Although, not really damn you, I was just kidding, sorry. ^^

Great post, I had a good laugh. :D

missykimmy.blogspot.com

Knucklehead said...

Great job bashing America's Next Top Bimbo. She is SO annoying, she makes Oprah look positively pleasant.

angel6033 said...

OH where did I get my daily chuckle before you came along? Lol I don't know but I am glad I found you :)

genevieve said...

This post made me laugh, especially as yesterday, to avoid study I watched ANTM. Almost as bad as Rachel's Zoe show where she finds it incredibly stressful having to tell her husband whether his blazer is ok, before a big event. She's a STYLIST and she can't STYLE her own husband . Instead she flops on the bed and whines about how much time he is wasting and how stressed she is over the outfit.
Yeah, anyway.

Keep the good work coming!


http://greeneyedgirl-genevieve.blogspot.com

LMJ said...

She tries to come off as all wise and intelligent all the time. I can't stand it. Her shows are never deep. Her shows are never fair. She's always very judgemental of her guests and insults them if she doesn't agree with them.

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