11.03.2009

Day 81--- I Gotsta Pee...


This one goes out to all of my readers who have ever had roommates, or had to share a bathroom with one or more people. I have about a thousand experiences that I am sure I will share at some point in my life, probably once I'm done with therapy. Today I am talking about the roommate that hogs the bathroom like they lived alone.

You may think this is only common in a house full of females who like to take their time getting ready, but I am here to tell you otherwise. In my last house I had a roommate who must have shaved his entire body, twice, while exfoliating, taking a bath, fishing out ingrown hairs, weighing himself, and cutting his toe-nails. If he went into the bathroom at 9 A.M. and you realized you had to pee at 9:10, you may as well go in the front yard or the kitchen sink unless you could hold it an hour and a half. This actually worked for me, I like peeing in new places, it only became weird when I had to do the doo. You become very unpopular among your roommates when they have to plunge the kitchen sink... (in my defense, I thought we had a garbage disposal, apparently not... I'm kidding, but trust me there were a few close calls).

Seriously though, there was a point while I was living in NYC that I shared 1 bathroom with 4 other guys and never had to worry about someone taking too long, but share a bathroom with 1 gay guy in Hollywood and I needed to make an appointment. I honestly don't know what could take a man an hour or more in the bathroom, I understand girls have long hair, so that takes longer to wash and dry, and if they are not hippies, then it takes them a while to shave. But if you are a dude there is no reason to take more than 30 minutes. The worst part is that he was bald, he didn't even have hair to wash (I assume you got that by me just saying he was bald, but just in case you didn't, he did not have hair)... Maybe I'm just talented but I can complete the three S's (shit, shower, shave) in like 15 minutes and still have ample time to flex in the mirror, admire my uni-brow, and measure my... hair. Welcome to my world.

Even worse than having to wait hours for the bathroom, is when you finally get it and there is only 11 seconds of warm water left. I say warm because hot is out of the question at this point. Luckily for me I don't even need hot water, warm will do, but 11 seconds is not quite enough time. When you go in after one of these people its like instantly the cold fridge water has re-routed itself to your shower. This roommate is only ready to get out of the shower when they know there is no suitable water left for the next person, they want to make sure they are the only clean person in the house.

It also sucks when you have to be somewhere and you just miss your bathroom window time. I guess this is why some households with numerous people make bathroom schedules. This may seem overly organized but if you have to be to school in the morning and wake up after your bathroom hog roommate, then you are pretty much screwed. My girlfriend told me a story about one such instance. She had a roommate who was in there with the door locked for way too long, so she had to run over to her campus to go to the bathroom before she was even ready. This is what sucks about being a girl, if it were me I would have just gone and peed in the girls trash can, there is nothing wrong with a little bit of bathroomly revenge. If you block me from my morning piss, you can expect me to mark my territory somewhere in your room.

A small annoyance, but still one that exists is when you go into the bathroom and it feels like a sauna, now I guess this is alright in the winter time, but when you walk into the steam room after them you know they have just been sitting in their lounging. Usually when this occurs the bathroom floor is soaking wet too, its like come on this is why I bought these cute little Finding Nemo bath mats, use them.

The only way that I have found to really slow down these people from monopolizing bathroom time is by cutting out the hot water ten minutes into their shower. The results will be amazing when they think that they are only going to have 10 minutes of hot water. All of a sudden they learn how to get things done much faster in there.... No need to thank me.

11 comments:

ScoMan said...

Luckily I have never had a roommate, so the last time I had this problem was living with the family.

Even then it wasn't so bad, because some would shower at night, some in the morning and some during the day. Everyone kept different schedules and rarely did two people need to shower at the same time. Plus the toilet was separate to the bathroom so that was nice.

Cecily said...

This person you speak of is my last roommate...I was considerate, I took my shower, and had all my stuff in my room so I could get ready in there, but she would spend ridiculous amounts of time in there. Anytime I would hear her come home, I would immediately run to the bathroom so I could do what I needed to do before she was in there forever haha

angel6033 said...

Ahaha, very funny and very true. I grew up in a one bathroom apartment with 2 other sisters. The morning commute was always so much fun..(not). We eventually came up with a schedule, that was the only fix... Everyone got 30 minutes, if you needed more too bad...:)

Quincifer said...

I am not as much of a bathroom hog as my stereotype says I should be...but I do take ages in the shower. Like up to half an hour. I just find it really relaxing (and I don't have a bath).
I used to live with 7 guys and a girl...and the one who took longest was a guy. He wasn't gay...although he wasn't the most attractive of men so maybe he felt it was justified to take longer?!

LMJ said...

Oh yeah, I've had those type of roommates. Me, I was the last one to shower and would shave when no one was home, so I could take my time.

I always showered around 12 midnight and 1 a.m. Everyone was asleep and I could take as long as I wanted in the bathroom. I always showered at night, that way in the mornings, all I had to do was wash my face, brush my teeth, and I could do my hair outside the bathroom.

The good thing about me with roommates is that I've always been a morning person. I got up a whole hour before they did, so I had free use of the bathroom. I enjoyed my cup of coffee afterwards while I watched my roommates fight over the bathroom.

carissajaded said...

I have 4 roommates and share a bathroom with two other people. This is my biggest problem with living there. There is always someone in the bathroom. Even worse, my roommates like to take 3 hour baths. Oh.. I could go on for this one for hours but I can already feel my blood pressure rising so I will quit now.

Knucklehead said...

Thank God I've never really had to deal with this. But the opportunities for revenge that you outlined are awesome. I might try some of those just for the hell of it.

Chary Johnson said...

I have three kids, two of which are teenagers. I never get to use the bathroom during normal daylight hours. I have had to resort to the wee hours of the morning or late at night when all others are in bed. Thank God my for my job during the day.

If you live with an apartment or house full of people, a second bathroom is a necessity.

angryredhead said...

I've never had a problem with time, just dirtiness. Seriously though, what DOES a bald man do in the bathroom for so long???

DRB said...

that was exactly my ex husband. Then he expected me to be done in 10 minutes.

Nomad said...

drb- i hope this was not the only reason he is the x husband.

sco- the more i learn about you the more i am surprised that you even have a computer... never having a roommate, luckiest man alive!!!

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