11.22.2009

Day 100--- Tupper-ware...

Wow, so I actually made it through 100 days of blogging everyday... I have to admit that I am impressed with myself, it is not as easy as I thought it would be to try and think of something new to write about everyday that was still worth reading... I also owe a huge thank you to those who have been following me for the first few months, just past a fourth of the way done so I hope that I can keep you guys laughing for the last 3/4 ths of this quest for 365...

With that being said lets get on with day 100 shall we... I know today is "Celebrity Sunday", but I figured I could throw that up on Monday and just do a nice classic complaint blog. I debated long and hard over all of my options but I finally decided that I needed to write about all the plastic people of the world, of course I am referring to those who have had elective cosmetic surgery. Not those who have replacement limbs or things of that sort, I am not that insensitive, plus I have to save them for a future blog.

I am well aware that the modern world is probably split 50/50 in the support of plastic surgery so I am not expecting all of my readers to agree with me, I just hope that the points I bring up are at least valid enough to make you think, or funny enough to give you a laugh... The procedures that I speak of include Botox, tummy tucks, boob jobs, nose jobs, and anything in between. Believe me, I know some of you have messed up faces, but this is why God gave us paper bags and alcohol... This is a much cheaper fix, yes more temporary, but something that you wont have to mortgage your house to pay for. If Lady Gaga, Adrien Brody, and Pinocchio can all deal with the schnoz that they were dealt then I think you will survive. I think I have so much resistance to this stuff because I have never seen a case in which the After picture is better than the Before... It is never not obvious either, people are always like "oh I'm just going to get this small bump filed down," but they usually go from looking like a rhinoceros to a pterodactyl. Then it becomes our job to pretend like we don't notice, its not like a bad hair cut that we can pretend like we don't like and eventually it will grow out. Fake boobies are often crowd pleasers, and I mean that in every sense of the word, but honestly I personally have never been a huge supporter. They may be fun to look at for about 9 seconds, but most of the bearers are as fake on the inside as they are in the bra. I guess until we develop brain implants this will be the route they go to help them contribute to society... If you something to pump your self esteem just give me the $10,000 and your cellphone number and I can text you compliments all day. Hey, don't shoot this idea down, some of them just want to be loved..
What about these people with lypo and tummy tucks, this is just another way that America has proven to me that we are the fattest laziest bunch around... There are people in dozens of countries around the world that cant get a bite of food in a day, and we have people who have to staple their stomach to remind them to eat less... Because the 8th chin they developed is not reminder enough... We are just plain lazy, I don't want to walk around the block or eat healthy, so can you just use that big fat sucking vacuum to get it out of me, to make room for this fried chicken... When will the madness end?

Botox, oh boy isn't this stuff fun... this is the quick fix of all quick fixes. When you want to look 10 years younger or 10 times more like a creepy doll this is the way to go... Just a few injections and you will permanently look like you are skydiving. I get annoyed when I have something stuck in my teeth, I cant imagine what it must feel like to have something stuck in my skin. Its horrible, it always reminds me of when I was a little kid and I was making some nasty face, my mom would say keep making that face and its gonna stick like that... Well I guess these people didn't listen to my mom. I hear smiling burns like 10 calories an hour, so apparently they can burn around a hundred in a good nights rest. It's a good thing Marilyn Monroe didn't have access to this stuff or we would have wound up trailing that mole all over her face. Hopefully these people like the faces they are making when they get Botox, because unlike a bad drivers license picture you really cant keep your face hidden all the time... This may be why Muslim women are always covered, maybe at some point in history the United States secretly practiced procedures on them, I wouldn't put it past us...

I hear this stuff can be addictive too, like a tattoo or coke or something. There are many examples that prove this to be true most of them are on Bravo TV shows, one of them liked to sing and dance and touch little boys before he passed away earlier this year, and no I am not talking about Patrick Swayze... This last person has been doing it for years, and is honestly the one that I am the most concerned about... He has changed his nose, his eyes, his lips, his teeth, his ears, and his feet, the list goes on and on... He has the quickest recovery time also, which is shocking due to the fact that most of his procedures are done by amateurs... It really is amazing that he is still around, but because he is I am dedicating this blog to him... Ladies and gentlemen, please take your hats off for Mr. Potato Head...

I am going to leave you with a story/ joke I heard in the news that I think is a very fitting way to end this blog...

I am not sure if you guys all followed the news around the time of Michael Jackson's death. There was a lot of confusion about what should be done with his body. Between family, fans, doctors, and so on he was being pulled in all directions. It really was a sad way to go out, the stories kind of died out after a few weeks so I am not sure if a lot of you got to hear what they ended up doing with it... I imagine you wouldn't have if you had better things to do, anyways... They ended up melting his body down and turning it into Lego's so little boys could play with him for once.... Heyo!... Had to do it...

6 comments:

LMJ said...

I'll never have surgery, unless it's for my health. These are sick vain ugly m*th@ f*ck@s!!!

Emily Jane said...

Congrats on the 100 mark! Looking forward to the next 265!

I actually went to a placement agency for an office job at the beginning of this year, and ended up at reception at a "medical clinic" which ended up being the biggest cosmetic surgery place in the city. We had to turn AWAY people who needed it for things like scars, burns etc. and had to upsell to those who wanted boob jobs, lipo and botox. It was awful - I couldn't handle promoting the idea you had to change yourself in order to be attractive. It was basically capitalising on people's insecurity. I left after three days!!

Natballs said...

what are you gonna do once you hit 365?

Kyle said...

way to hit the century mark.
maybe unrelated, but once my ex-gf and I were watching some makeover show and I commented on how even after all the work some of the women were not overly attractive. Ex-gf's comment was 'Grandma always said you can't make chicken salad from chicken shit.' Possibly the smartest thing that girl ever said.

angel6033 said...

Congrats on the 100 days, it is very hard to blog everyday specially when you ahve to be creative! You have done a great job though I love your blog!! :) Keep up the great job...

ScoMan said...

I've heard our PM is talking about giving people here free stomach stapling.. but only the Aboriginals. Probably because they have the least obesity issues and it won't cost the Government much.

As fake on the outside as they are in the bra.. love that quote. I might even steal it.

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