11.29.2009

Day 107--- Try Some Tyson...


It's that time again... What time you ask, time to pick on another celebrity of my choosing... With so many idiotic celebrities out there you would think that the decision would be easy... But that's what makes it so hard, I really could find something defaming to say about four out of five of them... Ten minutes on TMZ's website and I am reading stories about people I thought had long fled the spotlight and paparazzi... Tiger Woods really took a beating this week, apparently self afflicted, but I respect his golf game so I'll let TMZ deal with him... However Mike Tyson is not going to be so lucky...

Really? Really??? Those are two words that come to mind when I take a look at this joke of a human... You don't even have to know about this guys past to know he is a weirdo, one look at the giant tattoo over half of his face and you are pretty much up to speed on this guy... I wish I could blame his awkwardness on getting hit in the head repeatedly for most of his adult life, but I have a feeling he would have turned out just as nutty had he worked a gas station his entire life... With a voice that even the stuttering kid makes fun of you are bound to get into some fights in your life... I imagine that in the early years they started out as self defense, and then at some point he must have started winning those fights... Wikipedia told me that he had been arrested 38 times by age 13, why am I not surprised... He is just a prime example of what not to do with your fame... He has 7 kids with 3 wives (he's like the Lil Wayne of the 90's), spent 3 years in jail for rape (this was the bullet that Kobe dodged), then he comes out and feasts on Evander's ear... I remember when that happened I thought it was some sort of a joke, I have since been proven wrong... Seriously though, how desperate do you have to be to win a fight to bite someones ear off??? The funny thing is that he had bitten it once earlier in that round too, if I was Holyfield I would have called it right there... Maybe he learned this technique while in prison, who knows, maybe it is actually worth extra points to bite ears off in prison fights. I hope I never have to find out the answer to that question.

The sad thing is that biting an ear off in one of the most televised fights of all time was not even his biggest screw up. He somehow managed to piss away an estimated 300 million dollar net worth and have to end up claiming bankruptcy in 2003... Which he in turn started doing exhibition fights in order to pay off debts... I cant imagine how embarrassing this must have been after earning around 30 million a fight. I guess money is money, but its a little like having to strip at the local titty bar after having been on the cover of Playboy. Although this guy is clearly used to embarrassment, after this he decided to try and stay out of the media for awhile, this was until he also decided to load up on coke and alcohol and go for a drive around town. He must have had OJ's lawyer after this one because he only had to serve one night in prison and then do some community service... (And I'm from where he got busted, I know any DUI is 30 days minimum lock up) I guess it pays to have punched people in their faces for a living... He had not been up to much until the beginning of this month when he got into a fight with some photographers at LAX, (I don't think anyone ever taught him the keep your hands to yourself option that most of us learn when we are younger)... Who knows though, maybe he thought he could make a few bucks to pay down his debt...

My final take is that this guy is a menace, he probably has a weekly card game with OJ, Chris Brown, Kanye, Kobe, and DMX... I bet they just sit around counting their money and deciding what they are going to do next to act a fool and get back in the media... I feel for them I really do, No I don't...




3 comments:

ScoMan said...

I think Tyson and I think ear biting. I didn't know all the other stuff, and I'm sure if I heard his name next week I'd think ear biting. But for now, I'll laugh at the bankruptcy in particular.

Mr. Knucklehead said...

Yeah, I think Tyson's new nickname should be "Cautionary Tale" Tyson. It's pretty tough (I'd assume) to blow a hundred million bucks or so, but with people like Don King, John Horne, and Rory Holloway in your corner, you can make it happen.

angel6033 said...

I always thought that tatto was unflattering, but then again he was not working with much to begin with ahah!

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