Day 151--- Hide Your Razors...

I am shocked that I didn't have more people trying to stick up for wrestling, I know that there are plenty of you guys out there... It is probably safer for you to remain nameless though. Today's post features a group of people that have swept the world over the past 10 or so years... Emo Kids...

If you would have shown me a picture of one of these kids ten years ago and told me that in 2010 half of our high school and middle school population would be flooded with them, I would have laughed in your face. But it takes less than 7 minutes at the mall, or on Myspace to realize that the younger population has indeed been infected... Its as though they were bitten by other Emo zombies thus slowly infecting the the world over time... I am not one hundred percent sure what it takes to be truly classified as a proper emo child, but I have a few ideas of things that may be involved...

Black, they have quite the infatuation with this lack of color, but remember if you reach goth you have gone too far though, so proceed with caution. Now, they do have some things that are colorful, but they are very selective about letting any color/brightness into their lives, maybe a headband or the occasional bracelet, but other than that the absence of color is appreciated... The darkness includes their hair, studies show that emo's alone could keep the hair dye business afloat, even if the rest of the world was bald. It does not matter if you were blond, brunette, or red, going into this "scene" you will be leaving pitch black... Speaking of hair, you will want to invest in a hair straightener, this will quickly the become the MVP in your preparation arsenal. You will want to make sure you know how to use it as well, how else would you create those creepy bangs that will hang down over your eye... (Yes, Just one eye, which one is up to you)... You cant forget the makeup, I don't know specific makeup types, so we will leave it at, dark eyes and a pale white face, whatever you need to achieve this, that is the makeup you should buy. Basically if you don't come out of the bathroom looking like someone from the Twilight movies, you must have done something wrong... The last thing that I can think of without really researching these gentle beasts is that you will need a pair of extremely tight pants. For the girls this really should not be too much of a stress, but if you are a boy your best bet is to just steal a pair of your sisters pants. If you are truly going to be a success in the emo world, you will be skinny enough for them to fit, so don't worry... With that being said, emo is not for fat people, sorry those are just the facts of life...

There are also a few skills that you must possess in order to continue on with this life style... First thing you will want to know is how to cry on command, the only true test of an emo. Next you will need to be able to walk using the vision from just one eye, as I said before, the other one will be covered with hair. Also as mentioned before you will need to learn how to to use your straightener like your life depended on it, it will pretty much be as useful to you as air. You will need to know the proper way to utilize the Myspace angles while taking a picture, if your photos are even a fraction off from other emo's they will know you are a fraud... You will want to try your hand at some poetry, chances are you wont be any good at it but this is not the point, expressing emotions is. If it turns out to be any good, you should definitely form another cookie cutter band in the likes of The Used or Dashboard Confessional. This is the best way to fully express your emo-ness, at least in my opinion... Another way some choose to express themselves is via razor, while I think that cutting yourself is a big no no, I also do not flat iron my hair. I have surrendered to the idea that I just wont understand everything in this life...

I have created a drinking/card game that features emo's. I have done this because Lord knows they will never be able to contribute anything useful on their own other than fishnet gloves and, sweaters with thumb holes, and tear free mascara. (OK, I guess those things are pretty necessary). My game is simple, its called "Guess that Sex", basically there will be a standard deck of cards, all with pictures of emo's on it... The object is to try and guess if the picture is male or female, you guess correctly everyone else drinks, if you are wrong, then you do... You may think that this will be simple, but I have been playing this game silently with myself at the malls, and lets just say I am definitely not sober by the time I leave...