12.27.2009

Day 135--- Please DO NOT Spoil the Movie By Adding Your Own Soundtrack...


Well, I'd say its high time that I get back to my old self again... And there is certainly no better time to do it. Over the past few days I have encountered something I hate more than anything else, not once, but twice... People who talk during movies...

Let me start off by just saying holy shit. I was so pissed today at these three teens that would not shut up that I was going through visions of me doing everything from pouring my soda on them to waiting outside and going Karate Kid on them... As much as I complain, it is very hard to make me actually angry, but within 10 minutes of Avatar they had succeeded. They were sitting directly behind my girlfriend and I making little remarks the whole way through the previews. As I sat and listened I prayed that it was only temporary. I even waited a good 15 minutes into the movie until I said anything, hoping that they would get it out of their system early. The thing that amazed me, well actually two things, first they were not even whispering, they were just having a conversation like they were sitting at a Starbucks, and second, in a literally packed theater no one else said a word to them. I asked them a few times over the course of the movie to be quiet, I even said please at least one of them, and they just continued. I know you guys probably don't care about details, but I just needed to get it off of my chest. Then on Christmas day my family and I went to see Sherlock Holmes in another packed theater. I just so happened to be sat next to a 50-60 year old woman who found the need to randomly say stuff during the movie. She was not near as bad as these other little f-ers, her talking was not in conversation form, and was much more sporadic. Her favorite line was "there he is", every time Sherlock was gone and then appeared back on screen she felt the overwhelming desire to play captain obvious and announce where he was. Listen lady I'm not playing this on the radio, I don't need a play by play, I can see where he is... It got to the point where I was curious if it was like movie turrets. Like if someone got hit she'd go "oh, that looked like it hurt", or something along those lines. Maybe if I didn't have to pay $30 for a seat a soda and some popcorn I wouldn't be as concerned, but the fact that going to see a movie is as expensive as half of the Broadway shows I have seen I want what I am paying for. A freaking experience void of anything or anyone else. This is not too much to ask for.

What are these assholes thinking? Now I know the stereotype is that most black people talk in movies, which from living in NYC for 5 years I can tell you is pretty true. But let me be the first to tell you that they are not alone. They may yell random shit out, especially in scary movies, but I have never heard them have a full out conversation through an entire movie. There needs to be a rule or a pardon to where I can just donkey punch these people and get back to my movie. Because clearly the words "please be quiet and shut up" do not register to them. Seriously how rude can you be? Now a lot of my blogs are complaints and a lot are just things I witness or people I witness that I like to make fun of. This one seriously goes beyond all of that, I despise these people. There is no reason to be talking while you are supposed to be watching a movie. No reason what so ever. If any of my readers write me a comment disagreeing then we are going to cyber-fight. I would rather have my nipples sewn together than sit through a movie with people talking around me. Some people can drown this stuff out but for me all I can hear is their voices, sorta like with me and hearing snoring.

One of the most amazing things is that the kids parents were there, they just sat there while their kids were chatting a way and didn't say a word. If I was ever even possibly annoying people when I was out with my parents my mom would have just smacked me in my face, with little to no warning. I think with the rising cost of tickets theaters should provide an employee who sits in each theater to do just that. If someone repeatedly keeps talking they just walk up and smack them in the face, or possibly taser them, this will quickly remind them that they are in public. If this position ever becomes a reality you can bet I will be waiting in line to apply. Before I get actually worked up about this again I am going to end this blog, but you guys have to promise me that if you guys ever encounter someone who wont shut up that you dump something on them or hit them, and tell them that its from Ryan. Cheers.

PS. Go see both Avatar and Sherlock...

17 comments:

Christine Macdonald said...

Almost saw Sherlock but went to It's Complicated instead. Sherlock is next, then Avatar.

I am so glad you wrote about this! I always feel like 'the grumpy old women'. I'm 41. I just want quiet.

I also would like to invent ANY candy wrapping that is QUIET. That throws me over the edge.

kaloo said...

Nice to see you back to your usual ranting form.

thb said...

yeah..i cannot STAND THAT! or when they text during the movie bc all you see is their bright screen. i recently went to a movie and EVERYONE was talking. the 2 girls behind us talked throughout the entire movie! and then people screamed when they thought a hot guy came on the screen. ridick! i also find it funny when people clap at the end of a movie....really? pretty sure the cast & crew can't hear ya.

Elise said...

loved it ! Happy New Year

Allyson said...

in my experience asians are the worst. i will admit i have talked through movies but i was always very high or drunk so i could not control myself. also thb go to day 70... all about poeple who clap at the end of movies

ScoMan said...

One of the reasons I have no problem going to movies alone is because I figure, as you said, there is no reason to talk when the lights go down.

Okay, maybe you can talk if the old guy next to you starts stroking the inside of your thigh and maybe if the place is on fire, but other than that sit down and shut up.

angel6033 said...

I have thankfully never experienced this but I have experienced people that texts or even take calls even though they tell you ALL PHONES OFF right before the damn movie starts! UGh! It;s so rude you would think people would have more common decency, I suppose not :(

clo said...

Glad you blogged about this. I went to see a movie a while ago with my friend and got a narration by the person sitting 6 rows behind Apparently the dirty looks we gave her didn't make the point clear enough. So very annoying!!

angryredhead said...

This has never happened to me in a theatre, but while watching movies at home...oh boy. I especially hate the person who keeps saying things like "that's so stupid" and "this is dumb," etc. ARG.

LiLu said...

I'm seeing Avatar in IMAX on Thursday.

Can. Not. WAIT.

abby said...

I couldn't agree with you more... just three days ago, my sister and I went to see Avatar in 3D, where I ended up sitting between two very disruptive viewers (because of the limited seating)- one 40 year old man with a monster cough and a sniffle that sounded as if he could detect any scent in the theater... Not to mention the vigor stench of stale noodles on his shirt that permeated within the 3 meter radius of his seat. AND on my other side, I had a lady (who looked very kind, but I must say) that could not handle the intense 3D images, which deliberately urged her to "ooh" in an epiphany every... five.. minutes.
Amen to your blog.

skarloss said...

"Before I get actually worked up about this again"
you.are.hilarious, not "nick cannon" hilarious but truly funny!

Chelsea (Chelsea's Chew and Run Fun) said...

Nothing infuriates me more than cell phones in a movie theater. I'm in full agreement with your diatribe.

To broaden the topic a bit, I hate having to see people text throughout films.

Recently, while trying to watch Precious, some bitch in front of me had her iphone set to her Facebook page for the first half of the movie. I finally couldn't take the glare of her screen piercing my vision (which I was trying to direct to the movie) anymore, so I gave her a shoulder tap. After said shoulder tap, I whispered, "Could you please turn that off, it's incredibly distracting," she looked at me like I had just smeared poop all over her Grandmother's gravestone. But, she did listen and put it away.

The movie gave me a lot to think about, but I mostly spent the rest of the night thinking about how I wouldn't mind seeing the iphone girl get hit by blue ice falling from an airplane.

LMJ said...

I cannot stand talkers, texters, and all kinds of noise makers in movie theaters! It is one of the reasons I don't take my baby to the movies--she makes noise!

I once went to the movies with a dear friend of mine for the very first time and found out she's a damn talker!!! She wanted to comment on the girls hair and clothes the whole time!! Shew as also a texter. She kept getting text. I swear, after that movie, she's not so dear to me.

crystal wine glasses said...

The ones who are just blabbing along while the movie is going? I'm about to bring some pepper spray since someone had that suggestion on another question!

Nomad said...

apparently we are supposed to sneeze in our elbows now and not our hands, its going to be tricky to figure out how to wash that surprise snot out of your elbow without being noticed.

Nomad said...

oops, i re-commented on the wrong post, good thing its my blog and i can do whatever the hell i want...

in the meantime dont talk or text in the theater!

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