12.03.2009

Day 111--- What in the Smell???


Hello there fellow bloggers and blogettes, I hope you are all having spectacular days... If not all of you at least the kind people who still leave comments on my blog 100 days in... I hope you are all still with me after all that we have been through... I need to find a way to put that "if you liked this post you should check out this post", so that new passers by can catch up on some of the excitement they may have missed... If any of you know a good source for that I would love it if you sent it my way... If you don't then clearly we are both in the same boat and I'll let you know once I find out... Now that business has been covered, on with the post... We all know that smell has one of the strongest ties to memories, which in a lot of cases can be a good thing, the smell of your grandparents house, the smell of your favorite food, and so on. In this case however this next set of people have given me nothing but bad memories and they are almost all tied to a smell... Enter: Overly cologned or perfumed foreigner...

First and foremost I want to clarify that anyone who currently reads my blog does not count in today's category, both because you read my blog aaaaand because you read my blog. Even if you are a smelly foreigner I still love you. With that being said back to the root of my horrible memories... So I know that I have mentioned quite a few times that I spent many years waiting tables at a very tourist inflicted restaurant in Times Square... Scentified foreigners were just a part of the job that I had to learn to deal with... I was always amazed at how strong their scents were the repugnance of a freshly potpourried outhouse combined with the strength of a skunk, if you have experienced this you know just what I am talking about...If you have not, consider yourself spared by the grace of God. Upon initial smell it seemed as though they had just hosed themselves down with Aqua Di Gio, but if I were there long enough there is always an underlying hint of fart that crept up to my nose. Once I realized that this smell was not their breath it had me seriously concerned, maybe we had run out of toilet paper. I have heard that they don't shower... (often, daily, much, at all , and sadly based on my smellometer this seems to be the truth.

It is hard to explain how, but after years of serving I could literally walk past a table and smell where they were from... At my peak I could even decipher between different European regions, the norther and eastern areas go with a more musky flavor, and those to the south and the west chose a more sweet smell... The UK would go strong, typically something trendy, thankfully they never seemed to boast the farty aftersmell. South American women smelled like bouquets of flowers, some fresh some wilting. Those between them and I smelled like B.O and Axe Body spray, tantalizing combination. The middle east to far east didn't really seem to get into the body sprays, but they did tease me with the smell of curry and spring rolls. I could go on all night, but I will spare you the rest of the details. I will have you know that I have even started to include this as a skill on my resume, which will only come in handy if I want to work for the circus, but with my life you never know. I feel a bit like a freak now that I am telling you all of this, but we are all bloggers here, that's puts us somewhere on the dorkometer between internet daters, and people with imaginary friends, so I'm not that worried that you will judge me...

Anyways, back to my nightmare... Apparently other countries feel that loading on half a bottle of liquid flower oil's negates the need for proper personal hygiene. "Nay" I say! I'm sorry but smelling like an ad from a Men's Fitness magazine does bypass the need for a shower, because one false move and a rustle of a pant leg and we can all smell what you've got cooking under the clothes. I really feel bad for the clothes in this situation, they are like the full body diapers for these peoples stench on the inside and a punching bag to every spray they can find on the outside. I now know why Lynx body spray fills up an entire aisle in European markets, I am shocked that they don't sell key chain options so they can have it with them at all times.

Well, I guess my work here is about done... I will be curious to see how many of my readers have experienced these tidal waves of smells... It really is a common thing for my fellow servers and I to joke about, but it may be less prevalent for my readers in Nebraska... One trip to the Big Apple though and we will be on the same page... It will smell good at first, but upon careful noseamination I assure you that you will regret getting too close. It will give you chills.

7 comments:

Honey B. said...

Sooo true. Enough international exposure or waiting tables, and you can have a nose worthy of a good wine connoisseur!
~HB

LMJ said...

I'd like to add that some of these foreigh folks don't believe in anything superficial like fragances and even deodorant.

I don't know what is worse: an over-fragranced person or one who doesn't believe in soap and deodorant. BLEEGHHHH!!!

LMJ said...

Holy Cow!! I'm #1!!! Hell yeah!! Take that, ScoMan!! hehe..just kidding! =)

clo said...

Working on a fragrance counter is no better. I worked on an aftershave counter one Christmas...it was horrendous. Especially because the stench of the men who piled the stuff on made me sneeze. There is no need for that much and if they're using it in such large quantities then they're definately trying to cover something up.

ScoMan said...

I have had a few horrible experiences with these people, as the interview room I use at work is very small and not well venilated. We don't get a lot of foreigners in, not working near many tourist sites, but we work near farms, some of them work on farms and they need their tax done.

So they come in to see me, and I almost suffocate during the time it takes me to get them their refund and out the door. I've not yet developed a sniffer like your to determine where people are from however.

angel6033 said...

wow, you got so good at smells that you could tell where people were from? that is impressive lol, I have not been exposed to such things, the most common smell I have delt with id urine and death, afterall working at a nursing home and hospice facilities that is all it smells of :(...

Secretia said...

No substitute for personal hygiene, I agree.

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