12.15.2009

Day 123--- Mall Kiosk Maulers...


I cannot believe that there are only 10 more days until Christmas... I remember as a kid the days of December would drag by like the last hour at work now does... We had one of those calendars that you would eat the candy out of each day until Christmas day, I often wanted to cheat and eat ahead, not because I cared about the candy but because I hoped that it would cause Christmas to come faster. No, I was not retarded, I was just impatient, crafty, and watched too many movies... Now here we are as adults and the days fly by, typically so fast that we are not prepared for Christmas day until its Eve... Speaking of time flying by this past year has been wild for me... A year ago I was capping off my 4th year or so living in NYC, waiting tables in Times Square, and all that good stuff. Followed that up by just under six months living in Maui, Hawaii, to those thinking about moving to paradise I would suggest keeping it a vacation spot. I then traveled around in Australia for about a month which was beyond words, I cannot wait to get back down there, hopefully with my girl next time... Then I was back in NY for about a month just to save up some money for another move across the country to LA... I was out in Hollywood for a good two months when I realized that I was dreading owning a car, and the fact that I got fired from the job I was transferring to LA with put a little bit of a damper on my springing and purchasing a car... I ventured away from Cali in early November to check out some other temporary options and have now found myself slumming it up in Milwaukee... Certainly never thought I would see myself in the Mid-West, but as I said before this is temporary... And it is cheap as can be, I can rent for an entire year here on about a month and a half of my NYC's rent... And I still don't need a car, oh and the fact that my lovely girlfriend goes to school here does not hurt... Anyways now that I have bored/updated you on my life I guess we can proceed with today's topic... Mall kiosk workers... Oh you know the ones I am talking about...

Those needy salespeople that will chase you a hundred feet trying to get you to test out and hopefully purchase their product... Obviously this time of the year is the worst, as my girlfriend and I walked through the mall yesterday we had a very desperate gentleman practically chase us to the food court because he wanted to try out his hair straightener on my girlfriend... His sales pitch was anything but creepy, no that's not true, everything about him was creepy... He looked like the black vampire from Twilight had straightened his hair and took a cover job working in the mall... He even stared us down like he was going to hunt us down if we did not buy his product... Getting away was like trying to end a conversation with a door greeter from Wal-Mart, and Lord knows those people love to talk...

I understand that these people probably work on commission which obviously is their incentive for pushing the items so hard core, but apparently the line between selling and annoying has become quite a bit thinner as I have gotten older... Also thinning as I age would be my interest in the tacky carts strewn out about the malls, if you are not selling items that are interesting enough to be sold in the big boy stores then your items are clearly not popular enough for me to purchase... I see that you are selling 18 different colored weaves, but I'm not really in the market for a new one just yet, but when I am I assure you that I will not be looking for one off of some cart... I feel like I am not even allowed to glance in the general direction of these carts anymore, if the employee and I catch eye contact I have to react quickly with the body language that shows how uninterested I am. Because if I don't I have about 3 seconds to get out of reach before they in pursuit. If they catch me they throw out their little 30 spiel to convince my tight-wad-ass that I need a Bump-It for my hair, once they realize I am a male, with dignity, they quickly shift gears to gift mode. Some woman in my family must need a Bump-It right? (If you don't know what one of these things is you need to find the infomercial and have a laugh)... I assume people actually wear these things, but I certainly would never want to contribute to that misfortune.

Now, I am not a complete idiot, I do imagine that there is some product for sale on one of the mall kiosks somewhere in the world, but as long as you have the desperate used car salesman chasing me around the mall like a dog in heat I can promise you I will not buy. And I hate to be superficial, (actually I don't) but if you do not fit the part it is a definite no no for me. For instance, some fat old man trying to sell workout DVD's (doesn't really seem like this product works very well), Some pizza faced teenager selling skin care products (all of a sudden Pro-Activ is looking a lot better), or vampire looking black dudes selling hair straighteners (obvious), maybe its just me but I am a visual learner and a very logical thinker so rarely will I buy something from someone who does not seem like they would use what they are selling themselves... Regardless, since it is of course the Christmas season I do wish all of these people the best, cheers to them and their sales quotas. However when January rolls around and I can once again parade through the mall without being mauled by the cart zombies I will certainly smile a little wider...

6 comments:

LMJ said...

Oh man, I hate the nail kiosk! They sell you this nails kit. They attract you by offering you some hand lotion. If you refuse to their hand lotion (like I did), then they'll say: "Can I ask you a question?" A normal reaction would be..."uuhmmmm...okaaay.." And that's how they start their sales pitch.

Long time ago, this girl would not accept my no and kept insisting. And like you said, they try to sell it to you to give it as a gift if you let them know you don't want it for you.

After about 5 minutes of her bugging, she finally got tired with me. She said: "fine!! have a good day!" and walked away visibly frustrated.

carissajaded said...

HAHAHA... as tribute to YOUR blog, last night I wrote about people that piss me off today... and mentioned these kiosk people as one of the groups that I absolutely cannot stand! I think Mall Kiosk workers are the most annoying people in the world.

Dorn said...

LMJ is right, the Dead Sea Nail Care people are the most agressive. They say "here's a gift for you" and hand you a chunk off a soap bar or something. Then they start in to the "let me ask you a question....BUY MY SHITTE" speil. The mall by my house has at least four kiosks selling the same stuff. You have to treat them like the crazy ex-girlfriend you catch a glimpse of in the grocery store. Duck, cover and run away as fast as you can.

Mr. Knucklehead said...

Our local mall has a creepy Asian guy who pretty much stalks people asking if they want a massage.

Come to think of it, I don't remember seeing massage chairs or a kiosk anywhere. Perhaps he's not a mall employee after all.

Hmm.

ScoMan said...

Australia is awesome. We rock.

And you mentioned the key in there.. just avoid eye contact with these people. If you don't look at them, they won't (in my experience) pursue you.

Of course, that could be because I'm usually shopping alone, and they're worried if they talk to the loner who keeps looking at the ground and not making eye contact with anyone he'll talk to them all day, just pleased to have any sort of recognition from another person and then he won't buy anything anyway because he's probably on his way home to top himself and doesn't need a new hair straightener.

At least, that's the look I'm going for.

angel6033 said...

OMG! I can clearly see that its not just me, thoose nail people are FUCKING annoying! I want to ounch them in the face, come to think about it I think I have :(.

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