12.19.2009

Day 127--- We Wish You... Would Get Down From There...


In keeping with the holiday theme that I selected for the next week I thought that it would only be fitting to bring up the office party freaks and creeps, who can either be the same person or a few different people...
If you have ever held a job at any establishment that throws a holiday party, or these days so cleverly described as an end of the year party then you have surely ran into a few of these types of co-workers... The fun part about them is that you never quite know who it is going to be, unless of course it is you who plans to get shitty on nog and try and make out with everyone you work with... I think people often forget that this is only the end of the year, not the end of the company, you are still going to have to see these people on Monday morning when you go back to work... Never has there been a better walk of shame than coming back into work having to face all of the people that you drunkenly molested who also later had to clean up your puke from the venue... This is one reason to not pre-game prior to a place that is going to provide free booze anyways. Maybe you had planned to tell your office crush about your undying love at this party so you thought a couple shots while you were getting ready would be smart... But clearly you didn't factor in the gallon of egg nog and 3 drinks with peppermint schnapps that you planned on guzzling before you even said hi. You also must not have realized that during your first karaoke song you would some how wind up climbing on to peoples tables and giving them lap dances, but we should all know this is what happens when you start out with a Lady Gaga song... It is never smart to be the drunkest in a room full of drunk people, because they are just drunk enough to not tell you to stop making an ass of yourself and just sober enough to watch and judge you... And if they are lucky they are just sober enough to capture it all on some sort of video crowning you the newest office Youtube celebrity....

Like I said before we really never know who is going to be this person, but if you have been to enough of these you know that it is going to be someone... It may be the guy who already craves attention at the office, which is clearly not as fun. However if you are lucky it may be the quiet receptionist or secretary that you would never expect who ends up dancing on the bar by 10:30. Let me quickly clarify the difference between freak and creep here in the office party setting... If the person who is losing it and dancing all over everyone trying to make out with anything they can get their hands on happens to be a guy, then this person is a creep. But if the person doing all of this happens to be the hot secretary they are classified as a freak, don't be offended, this is sexism in the workplace at its best. Guys are used to it. How do you spot this person early on in the night? I imagine there are a few ways, first, when you first say hi to them as they come in they already either have a glazed look on their face or they have alcohol on their breath. They are the ones who hover around the punch bowl, with a glass that always looks to be full, yet they are always drinking out of it... They are the ones who come but into a conversation but then have nothing to say so they just sit there sort of swaying back and forth. They are the first to put their name in for karaoke when it is mentioned. They are the first to start talking to the Christmas tree while trying to open the fake presents underneath it. They are the ones who brought their own mistletoe. They are the first to undress the fake Santa in the corner and dress up in his costume running around trying to convince people to sit on their lap... These are just a few examples, I am sure you can think of more.

So this week as some of you are going to your holiday parties try and keep your personal embarrassment to a minimum. Remember that you still are going to have to show up to work Monday morning and face these people once again, and chances are that they will not forget as much about the party as you do. Keep your hands and vomit to yourself. Try not to climb on things, refrain from wearing any of the Christmas decorations... And if you are really plastered stay away from your boss, you don't want to say anything that may give them a reason to not allow you back to work... I have included 2 short videos, they are not the funniest things out there, but I figured they were worthy of the blog.






8 comments:

angryredhead said...

totally guilty of making an ass of myself at last year's christmas party. seriously folks, pay attention to this entry.

LMJ said...

We never had parties in the office. It was always at bosses house or dinner in a restaurant then head over to the bar for drinks. One time, our HR lady was so drunk we had to pull over so she could puke. Our gay (male) co-worker got down with her and held her hair while she puked. The cops pulled over because from what they saw, a man was grabbing his girlfriend by the hair. LOL! He got arrested because they didn't believe him that he was just hold her hair. We were not arrested as I and the other girl that was in the car, were not drunk.

Plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Just had a guest post about the rules of office Xmas parties myself. Really loving your work, Nomad.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/

Emily Jane said...

I've never worked somewhere we've HAD a Christmas party until this year and my boss must've had a word with you because ours was a (dry) luncheon in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon lol

ScoMan said...

I'm lucky to have never encounted this kind of person and I am surely not this person myself.

My coworkers wanted that lap dance.

And the drunker I got, the more they wanted it...

angel6033 said...

oh office parties lol, I never go to mine cause I always happen to be working so I dont have to deal with anything or anyone lol

Allyson said...

i unfortunately have not had a cool enough job where i got to attend a work christmas party....maybe once im grown up

Mr. Knucklehead said...

Just remember the three A's...Avoid Alcohol Always.

Nothing good can happen.

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