12.20.2009

Day 128--- He Sees You When You're Sleeping...


Someone un-followed me. Rude. What did I do to them? This reminds me how thankful I am for those of you who read my non-sense daily, I really do appreciate it :), if it were not for you guys I may be tempted to start posting pictures of animals on my page to draw in that whole crowd... If you have not noticed we are here at yet another celebrity Sunday... Too soon to bring up Brittany Murphy? Kidding, sad story, especially this time of year. Instead I decided to stick with the current holiday theme and talk about someone we have all heard of. Santa Claus.

Obviously I have no real beef with the guy. It is pretty sweet that he flies around the world in one night providing gifts for all of the children whose parents can afford his visit... All he requires is that you leave him milk and cookies to fuel him on his long journey, or possibly carrots and water if he happens into any boring vegan household. This dude has quite the set up, flying reindeer, elves, and a giant factory filled with toys. He only has to work one day a year, maybe a few random days for inspections, but the rest of the time he probably spends next to a fire, with a never ending glass of egg nog, playing Call of Duty 4 on PS3. As far as I am concerned being born into the Claus' would be even better than being born royalty. The only downside is that it must be pretty freaking cold at the North Pole, sure he has space heaters and fires galore, but this really cannot help the temperature outside. I guess you have to take the good with the bad though.

If I ever get the chance to apply for the job, and somehow miraculously get it, first thing I would do is change the outfit... Sure it was cool in the 1900's, but I really think something needs to be done about all that red. I can dig the beard, although it may be pretty itchy at first I think I could get used to it... I'd see if I could potential switch up the meal plan as well, places I visit first should set out slices of pizza and Red Bull to keep me going through the night, then towards the end cookies and milk would do just fine. Although I probably should request Lactaid Free, or things could get a bit... smelly. Also this is almost 2010, I've gotta do something about this whole chimney situation, that just seems so old fashioned, I am sure that the back door should be just fine from now on... This is why I keep checking Craigslist and waiting for the job posting, the way I see it he has to retire sometime soon.

Honestly though. I miss Santa. I said it, I am not ashamed, when I was little Santa was the coolest thing all year. I was one of those kids who just bought the shit out of the whole thing... My parents were good, like we would go to bed Christmas night and there were like the 10-15 standard presents under the tree from my parents and family and what not. Then Christmas morning we would come into the room and barely be able to move there were so many gifts... I tried to be skeptical, I used to search the house for gifts prior to Christmas day and I never found anything, to this day I still have no clue where my parents hid stuff. I feel like I would finally pass out at like 4 in the morning and be awakened by my excitement alarm at like 6 am... Run into the family room and just think how the hell is this possible... I'm talking like desks and basketball hoops and bikes, things that they could just not hide... So needless to say I was duped. If it hadn't been for that asshole kid my freshman year of high school I may still be a believer. I think it is awesome that there is just like this worldwide joke that we play on kids and they believe it no matter how ridiculous the story is... I cant wait til I have kids just so I can test out a few stories that I have been working on over the years...

Whether you are someone who celebrates Christmas or not you really do have to tip your hat to the whole Santa bit. I would have loved to have been there when the whole idea was being thought up, and then have myself fast forwarded to today. We are so great at commercializing everything, I need to invent a holiday...

9 comments:

ScoMan said...

Dude, they found Santa's grave..

http://travel.ninemsn.com.au/blog.aspx?blogentryid=547523&showcomments=true

Keep your eye on Craiglist.. that posting you've been waiting for will have to show up any day now!

kaloo said...

You're a good man. A good man. My family pulled some crazy stuff too. Good old Santa Claus.

Also there's a crowd for posting pictures of animals? I'll keep this in mind.

SJT said...

Shouldn't we maybe stop telling kids about Santa altogether? sure, it was really cool for a long time, but when you find out, its just such a let down. I also agree, some updating should go on. Do most people even have chimneys anymore?

angel6033 said...

SJT makes a point what happens when you dont have a chimney? I miss believeing in Santa too lol but no I can pass it on to my little nephews.

Kate said...

You should definitely invent a holiday and make sure we get days off work to celebrate. I kind of miss believing in Santa I am clearly quite sad!

Kate xx

http://secretofficeconfessions.blogspot.com/

LMJ said...

the fat-ass never left shit in my house, so i don't like him. my kids will know from the get go that he's not real.

carissajaded said...

Sighhhh I miss santa too.. This will be only the second year where he's not coming to my house... Yes that is sad I know, but until last year my sister and I even went so far as to say "Oh wow Santa did us good this year" and so on.

Allyson said...

wait santa's not real!?!?....thanks guys

angryredhead said...

seriously, christmas hasn't meant the same to since the disappearance of the fat guy. sigh.

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