Day 113--- Batman Returns, Superman Returns, But These People Should Not Return...

Right now as I start in on another day of blogging I am not quite sure who I want to write about yet, I usually try and select a group that I have witnessed throughout the course of my day because it usually makes it more interesting for me to write, however the majority of people that I encountered today were just dumb. Just straight up stupid, not on mixed, not on the rocks, no chaser, and dumb is just too broad when you have over two hundred days of writing left to do... I've realized as I have been writing that dumb could actually probably be broken down into at least 100 solid sub categories without much thought at all... OK I decided... Lets go ahead and discuss those people who LOVE to take things back to the store...

Let's start it off with my inspiration... I was out looking to purchase a winter jacket, seeing as how its cold where I am currently staying, and the last few places I've lived and visited (Hawaii, L.A., Australia, Arizona, NYC in the dead heat of the summer) didn't really need much more than a sweater. I finally realized that the 19 degrees it got down to last night warranted me to open my Jewallet and buy something warm... SO, my girlfriend and I were looking in Pacsun trying to find me something "cute", because that's how I roll. When I overhear this pre-middle-aged woman arguing with the employee... Now, if you have not noticed my life is full of observing people, so naturally my ears perked up and I moved a little closer to see what her little tiff was about... She was trying to return a pair of pants that had cost $25.00 and get another pair that were $50.00 without paying the difference... I can see if she had unknowingly thought they were both the same price brought them up and asked, and then realized her error once the dude pointed out the difference. Nay. This bitch really did not get it. The kid must have tried to explain five different ways, that you can take $25 in store credit, or exchange for something $25 or less, but you cannot get something more expensive... She literally could not grasp this, apparently rocket science technology called basic math... Even her husband looked confused that they could not just switch jeans for jeans... He sat there shaking his head like someone had just asked him to complete a Rubik's cube, while doing a Sudoku puzzle, all while searching for Waldo... Thank God for stupid people though, because without them the rest of us wouldn't look so smart. When I went up to the counter to check out I asked the clerk if I had overheard correctly, sure enough I had... He said she was so adamant and confused that he started second guessing himself at the straight forwardness of the situation...
I could write thousands of stories about people trying to return shit after my days as a customer service manager at everyones favorite retailer (Wal-Mart)... People would literally return everything there... I had people bringing back vacuums that looked 30 years old trying to exchange for new models. People bringing back well worn shoes, books, movies, music... With no shame. It amazed me, I feel weird returning something that is legitimately broken and there are people out there who would try and return a diaper with shit in it... It takes talent and balls...

Apparently these people believe that the world still works on a trade and barter system... Who else in their right mind would try and return something they have been using for years to get a newer model or a gift card... Maybe they thought that the first 3 years was a test drive or that they were leasing it... Or maybe they thought it was a rental... Who else tries to return a stroller that stopped being produced four years ago for store credit? Yes, it is great that your kid is walking now and no longer needs the stroller, but this is not a garage sale, put it on Craigslist... Its great that you finished the whole "Twilight" series, but don't you dare try and return those, this is not the Library... I know that people make fun of the idiots that work at Wal-Mart, and that is fair, because a good majority of them are inbred, but I think we really need to take a look at the people who shop there. Those are the ones who we really need to worry about reproducing... I could make a whole new blog strictly dedicated to the freak show that is Wally World... but hey they have the lowest prices, who am I kidding...

Now that I have finished today's little rant I am going to go. Don't miss me too much... Until we meet again try and not return anything...


Anonymous said...

It's almost a sport-like passion for some people to see if they can outfox the store's return policy. I would never want to work in customer service for a month after Christmas.


Blissseeker said...

I once saw a customer at Costco attempt to return a green potato (not the whole bag, just the one potato) and another who tried to return a cake which was more than half eaten! What is up with people??

Lothiriel said...

I worked at Foleys (now Macy's) for two years and this bitch actually tried to return a used thong--A THONG--USEDDDD!!!!! EWWW! She had the nerve to get mad because I wouldn't touch it!!!

I also had a regular customer who loved to buy stuff, and then return her old shit inside the new boxes. One time she bought a $100 coffee maker. She came back the next day and returned it; only, inside the box was her old coffee maker. Foley's wasn't big on opening the merchandize that was being returned infront of the customer.

I too, worked at Wal-Mart. All I can say is that I felt that I was the only one who was not up to dress code. I mean, EVERYONE (except for me and the old greeters) that worked there (including management) had their hands covered with tattoos. It felt like it was almost a requirement in order to be promoted and getting raises.
They looked nasty. (I don't like tattoos)

ScoMan said...

Like you, I won't return anything.. ANYTHING. I've got a vinyl here I ordered from Amazon that I thought was a CD. I have nothing to play a vinyl on, so it hasn't even been opened.

Have I tried to return it?


Will I?


But people trying to return stuff after years of using it.. really, they have no shame or self respect. Have they not heard of pawn shops?

missykimmy said...

You won an award! Congratulations! It's on my blog, come pick it up. (:

I'm sorry I haven't been reading your blog lately. I've been... procrastinating. But I'll definitely catch up with your latest posts. And that one too, I'll probably comment again on it after reading it.


angel6033 said...

I absolutely hate exchanging things, this has always cause much problems between me and my mother...EX: I bought a can of cookies once when I got home I realized it had been opened. My mom also saw me realize this, she insisted I return the cookies to the store!
MOm: "We need to exchange taht immediately, you can not loose 4 dollars like that"

Me:" Are you kidding they are going to think I ate it and now I want a new one, it's only 4 dollars"

Mom: " 4 dollars? only 4 dollars? let me tell you about the value of a dollar............."

Me: " Forget it just return the damn cookies"..

So yeah, she went back to the store and returned the cookies, she walked out looking so very proud of herself, and I hung my head in shame ahahaha!

Chris said...

Now that you mention it, I think someone DOES have a blog dedicated to the people of Walmart.

I avoid that place like the plague (the actual Walmart, not the blog).

Dorn said...

I wonder if these "return for sport" types could teach me a thing or two. I am embarrassed to return anything.

Before I realized my daughter was big enough to grab crap off the shelf and put it in the basket, I ended up at home with many useless items I didn't realize I purchased until I arrived home. Never returned them. Giant jar of Niacin still in my medicine cabinet. Two boxes of weave/extension remover (I'm a white man) are sitting in my garage.

For that matter, it occurred to me that I never ask for the discount I hear offered on the radio or for the free item a store was offering with a specific purchase.

My subconcious must be trying to reverse the cheapskate influence of my father. But we'll see who comes out on top with a fuller wallet huh?

Summeranne said...


that is all.


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