2.23.2010

Day 177--- Can I Get a Witness...?


There is a saying that I have heard before that warns against talking about politics or religion with friends, typically because when people disagree things can become quite heated. However, I feel like we have known each other long enough that nothing like that would or could ever come between us. Which is why today I am going to talk about door to door religion sellers.

When I think about this category two main groups come to mind; Mormon missionaries, and Jehovah's Witnessesssss'... Now before you read on I want you to know that I am not going to be too harsh, just... honest. I want you to know that whatever I say is allowed and PC because I have a black friend, I mean because my dad is Mormon. Yes, I am playing that "safe card". For purposes of this blog I am going to lump the two together as much as I can just so the post does not become too long and boring.

First of all, for me, the door to door religion peddling does not really work. At least not in the United States, mainly because people know. You guys are out there, comedians and popular media have been making fun of you for years. I don't believe it is possible that you show up on some one's doorstep that is like "hmm Mormonism, never heard of that I ought to give that a try, no caffeine, alcohol and multiple wives, why not". Its like commercials about milk to me... Those just seem like such a waste of time and money, like hello we have not forgotten about milk you really don't need to waste advertising money to remind me about it. That's like having a commercial for gas, "oh yeah, that's what I need to buy to keep my car running, thanks advertising geniuses". Now, although I don't believe necessarily in the cause, I support the dedication and the faith in the unseen, I just don't think the door to door approach seems like the most logical way. But maybe they know something I don't.

I mean, they have to know that as soon as people see them riding up on their bikes with their matching suit outfits on that people are turning off all the lights and electronics and hiding behind the couch out of view. I mean, this is what people do to most religious experiences these days but especially when it comes knocking on their door, wearing a tie... Out of the people who answer the door my guess is that. Two in five do not have peep holes, one in five was expecting pizza, one more in that five just wants to argue and convert the person to their team, and the last person just wants someone to talk to... I cant imagine a scenario where people see some missionaries putting their kick-stands up and they rush to the door and open it before they even knock... "Please come tell me about the new testament of Jesus Christ, Ive always wanted to hear about that detour he made in Central America before ascending to heaven"...

Before I go any further I want to touch again on the outfits. While I appreciate the professionalism of their get ups, it just doesn't work for me. On one hand I am amazed that they are riding bikes around whilst wearing Sunday's best. But on the other hand it angers me when people dress better than me, I feel like they are talking down on me, and while that may be their purpose, I think that they should at least get to wear jeans and a blazer or something. The bikes, I bet you Lance Armstrong would be a good Mormon, plus it would be good biking practice. For real though, why bikes, I mean, I know that the church requires 10% from its members weekly, you'd think they would at least give these guys a business car, seems fair to me...

I do not know quite as much about Jehovah's Witnesses, I am not related to any of them so I have not got as much of the inside scoop on this one. But the two things I do know, one, they believe that there are only 144,000 people who are going to make it to the highest level of heaven, and that quota has already been filled. Yet they still go around trying to convert people in hopes of getting one of the sub par heavens... That's like saying, "hey, I'm having a birthday party at Disney World and you are invited, but there is too many people so you can hang out at Chuck E Cheese's (pizza party place in the US)...". Yeah, it doesn't make sense to me either. Also I hear they don't celebrate birthdays. Which, I just don't think I can ever fully trust anyone who does not celebrate birthdays, they are like robots... Speaking of robots, today is my girlfriends birthday!!! Wooo, happy birthday babe, she should be in class but instead she is still sleeping. See, a Jehwit would be in class right now not exercising the same entitlement...

Can you imagine if all of the other religions sent out spokesman, I cant imagine a curly Hacid showing up on my doorstep, his donkey parked in my driveway. I guess Muslims bring their religion to our doorstep, typically it is strapped to their chests, doesn't have quite the same effect. The Pope driving door to door in his Pope golf cart, that could be pretty rad actually... I could go on and on, but I wont.

But hey, they must be doing something right, the worlds most popular position is still missionary style.

7 comments:

Knucklehead said...

I think the Mormons should sell cookie along with their pitch. Call 'em Mallo-Mormons or Testa-Mints or something.

LMJ said...

I'm an open-minded individual, and I have let these two types into my home because I wanted to learn more. I wanted to know what drives these well-dressed elders (Mormons on bikes) to ride a bike in the nasty Texas heat in the middle of summer. It had to be something powerful.

I studied their books, and everything, but was still unconvinced that what they preached was true.

The Bible says beware of false prophets, and this is what came to mind when I spent time with these two groups. So, after years of them trying to convinced me to join their cults, I said, "no thank you."

I gave them a chance...which is way more than what most people do.

Alissa said...

My dog usually scares them away, which is fine by me.

I remember reading in a Kurt Vonnegut novel of all places that Mormons are supposed to be the most morally righteous people on the planet or something. We had some Mormon volunteers at the library where I worked, and we had to tell them to not come back because instead of shelving the books where they belonged they would just dump a bunch of them at the end of a row or something. Maybe they were just bad seeds, I don't know. But we had a lot of non-Mormon volunteers who didn't shirk their duties.

ScoMan said...

I have once opened the door to some religious folk just for a conversation. We had fun. Until they tried to convert me.

Happy birthday to your girlfriend.

An Australian comedian.. well no, he's not a comedian.. he's not very funny.. he's a bit of a wanker.. anyway, he once went door to door as an atheist trying to convert people.

I like the idea. Don't like the guy.

Christine Macdonald said...

You make some very interesting points.

One of my best friends grew up a JW and I never hear him speak of it. I assume his experience is like mine in the Catholic world. We just think it's all rather odd.

kaloo said...

My great grandmother was a Jehova's Witness. They do indeed not celebrate anything except religious holidays(and they have their own holidays so no Christmas either)

Amanda West said...

Oh my gosh. That had me laughing so hard.

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