Day 167--- Stop Trying, It's Not Funny...

Finally my first week at work is done, you do not even realize how much I missed sleeping in this entire week, and to think I signed up to work the morning shift forever. We will just have to see how long that lasts, my love of sleep trumps most anything in my life, it is definitely in the top 7 things at this point. In fact, I love sleep so much I want to take it out behind the middle school and get it pregnant. But enough about birth control, I think it is time to introduce the next contestant on 365 days of people... People who think they are funny, but no one else does...

For my entire life, as far back as I can remember I have found it necessary to be the funniest person in a room at all times, (the center of attention) through all levels of school, even into college, and still even when I start a new job. It has called for numerous detentions, missed recesses, and write ups, but the joy on peoples faces when I make a good crack has been well worth it... Being hilarious and dashingly good-looking is obviously a gift from above, it is something I was born with. Sure I developed some timing skills and whatnot over the years but for the most part it was something that has just flowed out of me naturally since I first crowned... We all know people like this, the attention hoggers, the class clown, the one who never seems to be serious, sure we can get annoying but nothing compared to those who go through the same actions and are not funny...

If you think hard enough I am sure that a few of these people will come to mind... The ones whose timing on a joke is always off, the ones who are always too inappropriate at the wrong time, the ones who always bring up sore subjects, the ones who think it is funny to hit or pinch or pull hair way past middle school... The list literally goes on and on with all of the ways that they are not funny, see I don't mind if someone tries to tell a joke every now and then and they just don't hit it on the head. No, what annoys me is when they are constantly trying as hard as they can, but don't take the silent response from everyone around them as a hint... It bothers me even when their stupidity sets me up for a rebound joke. At first glance it may seem as though I pray on these people but in reality I try to get away to be less annoyed but I swear they must flock to me... I am not going to name names, but there were 3 people that I used to work with in New York that thought that they were the funniest guys on earth... I am not going to name names, but everyone would constantly say stuff to them about keeping there mouths shut but time and time again there they were trying to be make jokes, it honestly becomes painful to watch after a while... I think they are the ones who moved this from a stage 2 annoyance to a stage 5 pet peeve for me, I could take it in little spurts but when you have to deal with it on a constant basis it just becomes far too overwhelming... I really wish that I could give you a specific example but I think the memories were blocked out due to annoyance factor...

Statistically though I am sure that you all have someone in mind right now that fits this character to a T, if you just so happen to be one of these people, maybe you should change from a humor blog to something more in the cat-blogging field... As we all know you can never have a shortage of cat blogs out there...

In order to do my part in ridding the world of these humor-killers I am in the process of developing an item similar to a bark collar that we will somehow convince these people to wear... (This will be the hard part)... Once they have them on though, we the people will control what is funny and what is not... If we determine what they are saying is not funny we take the remote control that comes with it (up to 5 sold with each collar) and basically zap the shit out of them. No, this is not going to make them funny, but you better believe it will be funny...

Here is a list of people you may know that fall into this category...

1. Carson Daly

2. Carrot Top

3. Carlos Mencia

4. Pauly Shore

5. Howie Mandel

6. Andy Dick

7. Will Ferrell (since like 2003)

8. Eddie Murphy (since 89)

9. Artie Lang (since he was fat) (aka always)

10. Dane Cook (since he decided to act)