Seriously, not having the Internet for hours at a time can make it very difficult to try and write a daily blog. Other than starting a new job I also just moved into a new house and apparently my Internet here can be even more moody than it was at the last place. I really don't understand how wireless manages to get worse and worse the more other technologies advance. For real I could be sitting right next to the router and that other thing and still my service would routinely drop once or twice an hour, it makes every episode of 30 Rock end up taking like an hour and a half to get through because of all the reloading. But that is neither here nor there, it is working right now so I better get this finished before it changes its mind... Today I decided to write about the guys who do the voices for all movie and TV show previews.
We all know the very deep, almost robotic voices that adorn almost every single movie trailer and TV show ad. This dude/ small group of dudes who can do this voice must be making a killing. Sure it is easy to make your voice deep, but to have that much precision, speed, and excitement at the same time is next to impossible... How lucky is this dude that he only has to read like 20-30 paragraphs a year and he is probably making multiple millions of dollars a year. I mean, we all know that actors and actresses make a shit ton of money for what we all may consider an easy job. But their jobs are like working on the railroad compared to the voice dude. Think of how he has the market cornered. He raises his prices and they have to pay it, maybe they have been searching for years to replace him and his inflated rates, but every time they put an impostor voice on a preview the movie does awful. Honestly though, what would something like Transformers be without that perfect deep scary voice telling us to go see it. We consumers may be stupid but we would notice if our preview man was different in a heartbeat.
I wonder if this guy always walks around talking in that voice or if he can turn it off on command. I don't imagine that the preview voice was the only voice he has to work with but what if it was. He would literally be the most persuasive man on earth. Can you imagine him going through the checkout line at a grocery store and something rings up wrong. All of a sudden he busts out the booming voice, bam, price reduction. You don't want to mess with this voice. Maybe he naturally has a really high pitched voice and it really strains him to do the deep one, now after years of work he is actually losing his voice all together. Oh can you imagine the uproar if we had to switch to a different guy, or worse yet, a computer generated voice. Maybe the ticked prices would be lowered though, I heard that 5 dollars out of every ticket sold goes straight into this guys account. They have done studies that apparently show a large decrease in movie goers for movies that do not feature this guy in the trailer. So essentially, if they switch you would think that the tickets could be $5 less. I obviously totally just made that up, but it seems as reasonable as any other reason that they would have raised the average ticket price $5 in the past like 5 years... RE-tarded...
I want to know if people actually know this guy. Like if he hangs out at Hollywood bars trying to pick up chicks with his God-like voice. Maybe he is a recluse, maybe he has been teased his entire life about the voice and since 96' he has just recorded every trailer from his in home studio... I really cant tell if that voice would be sexy, or too father like to girls, luckily I was blessed with some sort of nasal-like voice that would much sooner be confused for Steve Urkel than it would be for some one's father. Wherever this guy is I hope that he at least is forced to see some of the shit movies that he recommends. Because that would just be sheer hypocrisy if he didn't actually have to view all these flicks. Maybe that's just me though.