2.11.2010

Day 170--- Regular or Decaf???


Hey everyone, I wish I had an exciting story or bit of my life to start off today's post with but since I have started my new job my life has been fairly void of overly entertaining stories. As odd as it may sound, the job I have now makes me wish that I was back in NYC serving people food and getting pissed off at 10% tips... Its not so much that my current job sucks, its more so the hours, and the lack of sleep it presents me with, if I get fired from this job it will be for falling asleep. Mark my words. Speaking of sleep and my recent depreciation in the amount I get I am going to do a post today on coffee ad-dicks...

See these were people that I didn't have to deal with on a daily basis when I was working from 5pm til 1 or 2am, sure I may have crossed paths with them, but since I was normally sleeping when they were the most cracked out I never really got to see what they were like... Now I have... Wow, after seeing how some of these people behave after a cup or two of Jo it is amazing to me that marijuana is illegal and caffeine is legal.... I mean, first of all if they go a day, or maybe even just a morning without coffee, be prepared to watch someone go through withdrawals. If 8 am rolls around and they have not been pumped full of fuel first there are the headaches and then the shakes, basically picture Jamie Foxx in Ray... You don't want to be around them either, how many times have you heard, "not until I've had my coffee"? I don't know about you but I have heard it plenty growing up in the home of a coffee fiend. McDonalds even has a new commercial where the dude is a dick to everyone on the way to get his morning mug, its funny because it is true...

For someone such as myself that does not drink coffee, I really think this is unfair. I mean, if I were to walk around every day being a dick saying, "not until I smoke my morning bowl, or not until I have a couple beers", I would be looked at like an idiot. Yet day in and day out these java-douches get a free pass to piss on everyone until they shoot up their caffeine. I say bollocks to that shit. No more free passes from me, next time I have someone give me attitude with the "no coffee yet" excuse I am just going to spit on their faces. Harsh you say, I think not, I am making up for lost time.

You ever wondered why most of the Starbucks employees are so chipper and smiley? Its because they are doing lines of ground hazelnut coffee beans before the doors open, and when they are done with that they switch to doing whip-its out of the whipped cream canisters... Not that I blame them, if I had to smile that much all day I would certainly need a performance enhancing drug as well.

I don't know about you, but since I am an observer of people, I have taken plenty of time to listen to their excuses for needing coffee, but what it really boils down to is addiction... They may claim that it has no ill affect, but the bloodshot eyes and headaches obviously prove otherwise... I realize I am in the minority, my heat sensitive tongue has put me there, but I still think these guys need to shape up and fly right unless they want an eye full... I am even in the process of pitching a new show to Lifetime TV... It is basically a rip off of Intervention, called Intercappucino. Same basic idea as Intervention except this show is dedicated to coffee drinkers, with the occasional 5 Hour Energy drink addict... I am working on starting a program as well, coffee-holics anonymous, I had to go there, it was too obvious not to. Sure I have been in a thousand Starbucks' in my day, but 999 of those were just to go pee. Those things are really just public restrooms in NY.

Well, I am glad that I got that off my chest... Chances are more than half of the people who read this post will fall into this category, and if that includes you, yes you... Then, I hope you burn your tongue...

8 comments:

angel6033 said...

oddly enough, I do not fit into this category, I love tea and and coke that is my only source of caffeine. I dont particularly understand coffee.. but I do likethe smell of it brewing it reminds me of a lot of mornings at work and school lol

LMJ said...

Ha! I'm a coffee drinker, but I'm not an asshole before I drink my coffee. I've always been a morning person, so I'm cool with it. I do hate pre-coffee moody people. I used to work with a bunch of those, and I loved showing up to work at 5:30 a.m. with my stereo blasting annoying the sh*t out of everyone that was already there barely awake.

ScoMan said...

I have one cup of tea some mornings and that's all I need. I don't do coffee to the lengths some people do.. and working in an office you see some real addicts.

But I agree about coffee drinkers getting a free pass on being dicks. I want an excuse I can use too.

Alissa said...

Wow, another non-coffee drinker. We are a rare breed. That said, I do rely on some caffeine in the form of tea or diet soda. It's funny, I only use Starbucks in times of desperation as well, but for me it's because I am looking for a wifi connection.

Jessica said...

I love coffee. How did you make it to 25 without being a coffee drinker? I once dated another non coffee drinker, it didn't work out. He was a red bull guy.

Kyle said...

Falling asleep at work, huh? Hope you're not a bus driver.

Nomad said...

no not a bus driver... a pilot.

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