8.30.2009

Day 16--- "You Were the Best We EVER Had"...


Here is another group that I have plenty of experience with. Unfortunately the experience is always memorable, but never enjoyable. This is about a group of underhanded, sneaky, cheap, people. Who are clearly not subscribers to "Tipping 09'". Without further ado I present to you, "the verbal tippers".

If you are a server at any restaurant that does not require you to wear white gloves, you have met this next group of low-life's. They are the guests you are just spot on with everything for the entire night. You get the drinks right away. The appetizer hits well before the food, they love it, they are falling in love with you. There is plenty of non-awkward small talk. They tell you how often they eat out and how well traveled they are. Their food comes, you hear the moans from the around the corner, score! They love your suggestions, everything has been perfect. They call you over, they want the check, you have it. They have not had to wait for anything , not even a refill. They tell you that they will be back for sure, they are gonna request you, they're gonna suggest the restaurant and you. They may as well have just written a letter to the "Zagat" they were so in love with everything. They stand up after looking at the check and rifling up the money. They have cash. Sweet, looks like they had nice clothes on. They were from Ohio, which normally is a swing state, but your hopeful. If you have done the calculations correctly their $91 check should bank you around $20 for your effort. Sure its a tad more than the standard 20% but these people basically told you they wanted you to have their 19 year old daughter, yes just have her, we like you that much. So, they come towards you with the check and cash... hand it to you. Even take the time to shake your hand and tell you once more how wonderful you are. They turn and walk away, you do the same and run to the side pantry to count your loot. You know after the bordello of A-trainers and Canadians that this is gonna be your first descent tip of the night, maybe even great. 30 on 90 is not un-heard of with my skills... So, you count... you count again. OK... Only a hundred here... You look at the check, maybe it was only $81... No, it was $91, you count again... run back out to the table, maybe you dropped it. NOPE. This was IT! You've been gotten, you've just been wallet-ly raped by the "verbal tipper". Oh it hurts, It hurts so much more than the ones you expect to tip bad, because those ones are rude the whole time and looking for shit to be wrong. These verbal tippers may have been whistling Dixie on their way out. Which is only because they just fisted you with 8-9% which after tip-share or tip out. IS like $5 on $91...

In all honesty, these people exist, and when they say they will be back and request you. They are not joking, more than once I have had to reserve people that only left me a verbal tip the prior time. I thought double jeopardy was not allowed!!!

Those of you who have not worked at restaurants may find this funny. It is, and its not, it is just too true to be funny. I can not tell you how many times over 4 years as a server I have been so so wrong about a table I thought was gonna hook me up, but they let me down.

Do they realize my landlord or my credit card company don't give a flying *&%$ about how good I am at my job. I cant call t-mobile and say hey, I know I'm behind on my bills but I never forget to put in an order. These are the people that you just want to give their $9 back and say, "hey guys, here's your change clearly you need it more than I do." They are the people that you are hoping as they walk back to their hotel room that some rogue taxi swerves off the road and... knocks their shoes off. OK, OK, maybe that's a little harsh, I don't hope it, but if it were to happen by some chance of fate, it really would not be the worst thing that could happen. This is the point when you wish you could have taken their 19 year old daughter in under your wing and taught her the proper tip etiquette, among other things.

So, let this be a lesson to all, if you do not tip 20% (unless service is shit)... Then there is a great chance you will be hit by a kamikaze cabbie. YES, even if you live in a town without them, this is why you need to just make sure to get in the habit of tipping. Keep in mind, our job may look easy, but i assure you after getting your ranch and honey-mustard for hours on end we are under the same pressure that a fireman is under. Ive looked up statistics, on Ryapedia.

TIP.

Thanks Nodo for the suggestion, you keep reading, and I'll keep writing!

PS. just heard about this Harry Potter theme park in Orlando! Road trip 2010!


7 comments:

Kelly said...

A-FUCKING-MEN. I once had some douchebags try and tip me with mardi gras beads, not even good ones! Luckily I worked at a restaurant that afforded a little more... freedom of speech than most places, and more or less told them where they could insert those beads. :)

Jenna said...

not to mention they will all out ask about living there. they will say. it must be expensive to live where you live. and you tell them about rent being due and having to spend money on a sound system for you show. your reason for living in nyc. and they still give you 12%

Jenna said...

and say....good luck!!! lol yeah i'm gonna need it with that shit!

elishlitz said...

This was so well-written. Miss you dude.

Cecily said...

I could not agree more...that makes me SO MAD!! and harry potter...fuck yeah i'm goin haha.

p.s. I'm gonna go all..grammatical nazi on you for a second, you used "their" incorrectly at one point :)

Sara Marie said...

OMG I HATE THOSE FUCKING PEOPLE - they are horrible. If I can't afford to tip at least 20% - I don't go out.

I will road trip with you to the HP theme park. we can take my car even.

Noland said...

i once handed the 2 dollars i had just received on a 90 dollar check to the mans 3 year old and told her to get herself some candy at the duane reade.

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