8.28.2009

Day 14--- Cou-gross.


There is a problem sweeping this nation. OK, there are a lot of problems in our nation and probably bigger ones. But this is still a concern of mine. Old ladies who dress like they are in high school. This is really really unacceptable. I am a few days away from never being able to eat a prune again. I'm not talking about the 30. 40. or like 50 year old ladies who can still look stunning, Demi Moore I have learned to stomach. But I swear I saw a WWII survivor the other day with a Juicy get up on. Trust me, no one would have wanted to get up on... Not even Ashton. The bitties who dress like this are the same ones who think its cool to look like a burnt orange. The ones who have been sunbathing since they were 18, without wearing lotion. We need rules on the age of people shopping at Hot Topic and H&M, just because you can still fit in it does not mean you should wear it. If you are over..... say, 34 and 1/2 you have no business making a purchase at Forever 21. Just because the name is Forever 21 does not mean you will forever be 21. I think that may be where the confusion is. Its just a brand, not a life style... Same thing with piercings, anything that are not on the side of your head for you to hear should not be pierced if you are over 36 and 8 months (these are scientific numbers). I will throw up on you if I see your belly button ring and you look like Rosie O'Donnell that's wrong on so many levels, especially when it has to be as big as a Christmas tree ornament just to be visible. I'm tired of walking behind them and seeing cheese on its way to the cottage coming out of the bottom of your shorts that you got at Urban Outfitters. Or the cupcake coming out of the top of your 9 when your really a 13. Its not the size of the event I'm worried about its the overall coverage. I'm a hairy dude, so I try and wear shirts when I'm cooking for friends, its just courteous, (that's not really a good analogy I just wanted you guys to know that I can cook, and that I have friends. Some).

If you are sick of people with handi-capped stickers wearing the outfit from Hooters can I get an amen, or a hell ya... (its funny how both of those sayings mean the same thing but they are so contradictory)... I'm moving to California in about 3 hours and I know I am going to be in for a firestorm of 2 year old boobs on 65 year old bodies, and that scares me. Even after growing up in Scottsdale I am scared about the sheer amount of fake body parts I will encounter over the next couple of years. Hopefully Ill get some good material to write about.

The term G.I.L.F. should not exist. Strike it from your vocab., and if you don't know what it means, Good.

As I take off from NY I just wanna say cheers to all my friends in the city who came out to say goodbye. To those who didn't make it, Im deleting you off my facebook dont call me when I'm famous, even though I wont change my number. JK, I know there must be good reasons. Thanks to everyone who's been keeping up on this blog despite the grammatical errors, this is how I get better I imagine. Anyways, I love you and Ill miss you NY, all my friends, and all the restaurants....... and especially the convenience of not waiting in traffic, thank you MTA, we've been together a while, you've taken me home when I had no idea where I was, couldn't walk or remember my name, you've let me throw up on you and have not said a word. You've helped me be early, but more often than not I freak out when you are late (pregnancy joke there if you look for it). I will be thinking of you when I'm sitting in hours of traffic on the 10 just to go a few miles, ill be thinking about my A, C, E trains, my N, R, W, and of course my crosstown L how could i forget you. I couldn't, I wont, and one last thing....

"Stand clear of the closing doors please"...

I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry, I'm flying Jet Blue, they have TV's. I'll be fine, NY will always be here, Ill be back. I'm not gonna cry. Ill watch "Grandmas Boy" on the plane, "does Jet Blue give food?"... I'm not gonna cry, I wont, I'm not crying its just been raining on my face... (Flight of the Conchords reference)... No I'm good, I'm stoked its time to move on. I know I'm rambling, this is more for me and NY now, its our lovechild. You guys just got to see the moment it hit me that I was leaving. The moment. Whoa, well, hmm... I keep hearing that stupid OC song in the back of my head, OK the song isn't stupid, its the show. But, it ruined that song. I need to think of... like the Mama's and the Papas or something, The eagles, a little California Love-Tupac, I could go on... Ill spare you.... Bye for today blog, bye for a while NY and friends... Ill be back, I promise, thanks for making me...me.

I <3>

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Welcome to California Ryan!! Even though we are on different ends. You are coming into Fires or are they further south.. Anyway, I'm crying!! I think so highly of you for all the traveling and everything you are doing in your life!! Good luck in Hollywood. You now have the ocean... I love and miss that very much.. I am enjoying your post. OH, you need to number them IMO where did 365 start? I guess I am anonymous Love, Aunt Tammy

Sara Marie said...

Have I ever told you it's a goal in my life to be a MILF?!

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