Over the past couple of weeks I have been taking some time to organize my life as much as I can, which has not given me much blogging time. But it has given me a lot of time to think of some great new topics, that should be coming out in over the next few months. As a part of my organization I have been working out daily with the P90x workout program, doing that has reminded me how nice it would be to be naturally skinny. In a world obsessed with weight, and figure I decided it was about time I wrote about some people in the weight world that bug me, by no fault of their own... So bend over and take it in your naturally skinny butt...
Metabolism is a word that I want to punch in the face. Seriously if metabolism ever came close to me I wouldn't even have to be drunk to hit him right between the eyes. Lucky for me, I don't think I will have to worry about him coming anywhere near. Growing up, even at a young age I was the kid who had to watch what I ate and work out all the time, being that kid starting at 9 has given me a long time to form a proper resentment towards the naturally skinny. Now, I don't hate them personally, but I hate everything that they stand for. Which is pretty much just eating whatever they want and not gaining weight, I have actually met people who seem to lose weight the more that they eat... For instance, my little brother. The kid is about 5 ft 11 and weighs 126lbs, however he can and does out eat me any time we are together. He is always eating, and he does not skimp on portion sizes yet he seems to be smaller each time I see him... Apparently he got all the metabolism that we should have split. Thanks gene pool...
I think I could get over all of this and live happily ever after if I was not constantly bombarded with TV ads for medicines that will essentially turn me into one of them. It makes me feel like such a non human that I should have to take a pill if I just want my body to do what it is supposed to do. "Here you go, take Relicore and your body will actually break down food like it is supposed to, monthly supply is only $299.99".
You know what... Come to think of it I may have just been born in the wrong time period... Because I am pretty sure back in the day, hefty people were actually the coolest. Back when a beer belly and a fat neck was a sign of wealth, I think that is when I was supposed to be born. When all of the magazines had those pale bastards as centerfolds, and when eating a whole turkey leg at dinner was not frowned upon. Yeah, I think that is when I was meant to be born. My what a joke God played on me.
I recently read somewhere that naturally skinny people are more likely to go bald or grey before the rest of us... I don't mean to worry those of you that may happen across this blog, but that is something that you have to look forward too. Actually I just made that up to make myself feel better for a moment, and it worked.
I figured Id cap this off with a list of celebrities who are not naturally skinny... Just to remind us we can all still be rich and famous...
1. Star Jones
2. Randy Jackson
3. Oprah Winfrey
4. Al Roker
5. Kirstie Alley
6. Kevin Federline
7. Mariah Carey
9. That subway sandwich dude.
10. Kevin Smith
Btw, just to update those of you who've been following me a while... I'm finally working on editing the book that I wrote back in August, you should all be thrilled, because once it is done I may send a few of my most devoted followers an early copy to get their take on it... (Short and funny so don't worry)... I start a second job and my improv class next week, which will hopefully open some doors stand-up wise, so I am stoked about that. Other than that just wanted to thank you guys for keeping up, even though my busy-ness has cut down my frequency I still promise to keep this going. Cheers.