Day 36--- "Can You See Me Now???"

Unless you are Larry the Cable Guy who makes millions for looking like a tool there is no reason to wear camouflage out in public. Yet, day after day I still see these Rambo wannabe's flooding the streets. There are some things that were meant to be worn for specific occasions only, camouflage is definitely at the top of that list. Right up there with Halloween costumes, Santa outfits, jerseys, and work clothes. In my opinion it is just as wrong and unfashionable to wear camo to the mall as it is to wear a 3 piece suit to go hunting. Nothing screams trailer park louder than the family behind me in line at the local Wal-Mart who looks like they just killed Bambi. I realize for some of these offenders it may be the only attire that they can find but I guarantee there has got to be at least one Salvation Army in their town. Camouflage is so ugly that not even homeless people will wear it.

Obviously going to and coming from a hunt has to be acceptable, but this is not the case when you are in the row behind me at church. I'm sure if there was an 11Th commandment that got edited out it would have been thou shall not wear camouflage in church/ in public. Even spelling the name out reminds me of how ugly it is. Have you seen the camouflage shirts with words on the front? What is the point of this?... Is some hick designer out there trying to cross camo into main-stream clothing or is someone holding classes teaching deer how to read... I'm confused, appalled, and amazed all at the same time. At this rate it wont be long before people are going to try and wear military uniforms and scuba diving gear out to the mall. If you are someone who commonly breaks this rule, please realize that all the snickers and pointing is because of you. Sorry to burst your bubble. We can see you now.

Random note: Yesterday I saw a guy who was as big as a VW bus walking around the city with a camouflage shirt on and jeans on. I thought to my self, "self, if he were to happen to be out in the forest hunting is there any way on earth that whatever his prey was would not see or hear him coming." He looked like he could be about as stealth as a 747 on the lawn of the Pentagon. Going hunting with this guy would be about as successful as the cast of Little People Big World playing a pick-up game against the 96' Bulls.

Photo Caption: Up top you can see a photo I have included of popular star Rihanna wearing camouflage in public, she may be a large Larry the Cable Guy fan, or she may just be trying to hide from Chris Brown. Whatever the case may be, she still fails with this outfit.

Day 27--- Tele-Motherf*&^%^$

I'm pretty sure my next victims have been called every name in the book, I didn't google statistics, I just know I have used at least 37 different ones on them. Tele-marketers are quite possibly the most annoying people on earth (next to the guy on the free credit report commercials).

How awful is it being mid "American Idol" and having the phone ring. Initially you get excited, because well, getting phone calls is almost always exciting (especially in the text-ual world we're living in). What you hear on the other end of the phone is not exciting at all though.

Typical Conversation:

"Hello, may I please speak with Mr. Holman?"...

"speaking"...

"Hi, Mr. Holman could I possibly interest you in signing up wi-*click*.............."

Did I seriously just waste precious seconds of my life talking to a telemarketer. Almost always our anger lasts long after the phone call, we go on and on about our number being un-listed, and this and that. To where we becoming more distracting than the call itself. I'll be honest, it pisses me off the most when I try and politely decline and they just keep going, like if they change their voice tone to a higher pitch all of a sudden I'm gonna be like you know what I do want to sign up for a new credit card, you totally sold me on it.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm on the movie "Glen-Gary Glen-Ross" or the "Boiler Room" (which is a reference only my dad will get). Just thinking about getting calls from these butt plugs has me angry now. I heard Chris Brown had just got a phone call from a telemarketer before he went ape shit on Rhianna (this is a common term, not referring to how his face looks). I never think it is right to hit a girl, but if the stories are true I can see why he snapped. Tele-marketers make me almost as distraught as knowing that Carson Daly still has his own TV show, even though no one watches it. Its bad. He's not funny. Was he ever funny? Did I miss something? And now I think he he does crack, but like the store brand because God knows he cant afford the good stuff. OK. sorry random tangent, but really?.... Carson Daly, my cat has more humor in his left paw, and the kicker is, I don't even own a cat. But if I did.

Fact (that I made up);Studies show that tele-marketers are the leading cause of bi-polar-ness in our country.

Back to tele-marketers.

At this point we are so predisposed to hating these phone jerk-offs that they could be giving shit away and we wouldn't let them talk long enough to find out. I imagine the average call time for one of them is something like 8 seconds, it is probably harder for them to keep people on the phone than it would be to ride a bull...(that's where I got the whole 8 second thing from).

It makes me wonder if people used to treat door to door salesmen like this back in the ""leave it to Beaver" era. Pre-peep holes and stuff. Did people open the door to see some jack ass with a vacuum cleaner and a briefcase and then just shut it right back in his face. When did we become so rude. Is it us or is it them that are the rude ones? I don't even know anymore. Technically they are invading my me time, which is very hard to come by, so maybe they are the inconsiderate ones. Or is it I, the one who hurls insults and hangs up on seemingly innocent people who just need to do their job. Cant you guys see I am busy updating my Facebook status?... The amazing thing is, I don't even have a land line and these bastards still manage to get a hold of me. Yes, I have caller I.D. but it never says "asshole calling", its always like some number that I think I might know or for some reason I recognize, which at this point is probably because they call once a week.

I wonder what the suicide rate is among telemarketers, that may be an interesting study. Do you think they have to have their offices in some remote area so people don't try and track them down and harm them?(Harm being the least graphic word that came to mind). Do you think the pay is amazing to keep them going? Do you think they get a special bonus if they keep the person on the line longer than 30 seconds, even if they don't make a sell? Do you think telemarketers have friends? Do you think their families still love them? Do you think they even have families? Do you think maybe they were a bunch of foster kids who were bred into tele-marketers? Have you ever met one? (I haven't, makes me wonder if they really exist or if they are just part of my imagination. How high is their turnover rate? How do they know when we are eating dinner? Who do people hate more, postmen or tele-marketers? All valid questions that I'd like you all to ponder. Or answer in the comment area.

Fact (that I made up): Most Americans would rather answer the phone to the guy from "Scream" on the other line than a tele-marketer.

I'm over it, my phone's ringing gotta go.