Day 62--- Bi-tch-Cyclists...

Does anyone know what prompted cyclists to believe that they are now the most important people to roll the earth. Maybe I'm alone on this one but I have never mounted a 2 wheel Schwinn, strapped on one of those extremely attractive helmets and thought to myself.... "Ryan, lets go piss off every pedestrian and and car that I come into contact with". Shocking, I know... I dont know what it is about those shiny blue and red helmets that makes these guys think they are untouchable and unbreakable, but I assure you they are not.

Living in NYC for 5 years I've had my share of run ins with these guys, oh dont worry, of course I'm gonna share a few stories :)... First one: Just left my apartment for the day, got my Ipod on full blast dancing down 49th street just like they do in The Newsies. I get over to 8th avenue and sadly cars are coming, so I'm going to have to wait briefly until there is a long enough break to dart across the street. (Remember this is NYC, we do not have to wait for signals, those are for tourists and idiots, basically one in the same.) 8th Ave is a one way street heading northbound, so naturally I should not have to look north for cars, I look south. Im watching, watching, watchi... OK, clearing----> so I start out from where I was waiting only to be slammed into on my left side by a "Famous Rays Original Pizza" delivery boy, (boy or man, I'm not quite sure, he was Mexican, and had a mustache, that could go either way. I sure as heck wasn't waiting around to take his insurance, and he was not waiting around to get deported) so we both went on our merry ways. I was pissed, for a minute, and then I realized it would make a great blog story 2 years later so I got over it quickly enough. OK, one more story. Same intersection, now on the east side of the street, looking south (to my left) waiting for another break in the traffic. Perfect, here it is... I step out----screeeeeeecccchhhhhh!!!! I look back to my right side just as (in slow motion mind you) a business man on a bike comes slowly flying over his handlebars landing about a foot from me. Apparently he has some great front breaks, and no back ones... This was a bit awkward for both of us, but as he was picking himself up and dusting himself off, all I could think was, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I went to reach and help after about 15 seconds of holding back laughter, but he was in much more of a hurry than I was, I guess there were about 2,ooo people there who just watch him fail miserably. Thank goodness he was wearing his helmet :)....

I understand the convenience of a bike, its faster, and in NYC really all you need other than your feet. However, just because it is smaller than a car, this does not mean that you should ride it down the sidewalk. Its not a side stand, and its not a side walk, if you are going to be using a sidewalk to go from point A to point B, walking is the preferred method of transportation. If I had a bundle of sticks I would be proud to jam one through each and every one of these douches spokes. I'd feel like it was my duty as a pedestrian in fact, people would crown me.

Truth be told, it is not only annoying when I am walking though, they are just as big of a nuisance when I am in a motor vehicle, because it just so happens that this day they are too experienced for the sidewalk and too good for their designated bike lane. They want to weave in between cars, go slow up hills, and do all the other annoying things they do. All I want to do is get in front of them and slam on my breaks. Or there is always the option of letting them drive along side me and opening my door, it looks great in movies, but I fear that may cause too much damage. When I'm driving I actually have created a point system for items that I could potentially hit (mainly humans, but certainly not limited to). Pedestrians, for instance have all sorts of point values typically from 1-15 depending on their age, gender, shape, height, style, and race. Obviously the bigger ones are worth less, because it would be harder for them to get out of the way, I'm sure I'm not the only one who plays this game. Groups are worth a range of points, if they are old people, I'll award myself very few points, seeing as how they don't have much life left anyways, school kids are the most for the opposite reason. Bikers however, automatic 20 points, not because they are harder to hit, but simply because I hate them even more than I do the walkers. You even get extra points for a proper hit and run, up to fifty bonus points, I am the best though, so don't try and beat me at my own game.

Cyclists, whether you are professionals in your ball tight spandex, delivery boys for the local pizza shop, getting to and from work in a suit, or just a normal dude out for a leisurely afternoon ride you should make sure and always wear flashing lights and a helmet with some shiny reflector stuff on it... No, not to keep you safe, ha ha, you are silly, its simply so we can still play the game at night. It is not nearly is fun if we hit you by accident, we need to be able to call out the points before we hit you. Good game.