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For today's post I have selected a group of people that probably primarily works alone. But I bet you they hold conferences and meetings in cities across the world to better hone in on their talents. Today I call the rest of us together to help catch the "laundromat bandit".
If you have never had to wash your clothes at a public or shared (roommate) facility, now is the time to consider yourself lucky. I have not been quite as fortunate, having your own washer and dryer in a NYC apartment is about as rare as a music video on MTV. Put it this way, if I could have afforded an apartment with these luxuries, then I could have also afforded to have someone else wash my clothes by hand. Needless to say I have spent countless hours watching, waiting, and Sudokuing it up at my local "mat". (That's what I call it for short, mainly just because I hate how they spell laundromat), but anyways... There are times, when you live close enough, that you just throw your clothes in and run home to do other chores, or around the neighborhood for some errands... It takes time to become comfortable enough to do this in New York, but I eventually did... I will assure you however that this over comfortable-ness ended up costing me a time or two...
Before I mention the outright bandits, let me first mention the impatient bastards that will stalk your washer or dryer. If you are not there ready to remove your clothes the exact second they are finished, these douches will. There are not many situations that make me feel uncomfortable in life, however, the "mat" holds two of those situations. One, when you walk in on someone pulling your wet/or freshly cleaned clothes out of appliance that has just finished. And two, when you are the guy who is expected to pull out the persons clothes who has not come back yet. I'm not that guy, but I have been labeled weak by those who expect me to just pull some 65 year olds drawers out of the machine. The first situation is worse though, I usually know about how much time my clothes are going to need, so I am back right on time if not minutes early. However more than once I have come back to someone digging my things out and putting them into a cart, the thing is, in NY they look at you like you're the asshole. SO I've brushed my shoulders off and just finished helping them. I have also come back a time or two when the job was already done. This is when the bandits have the most time to strike... There is nothing like knowing that someone in your neighborhood is going to be walking around in your favorite shirt or a new hoodie. Its like the involuntary Salvation Army, maybe they had seen me around and thought to themselves, "gee, that would look better on me". Thus stalking me until the day I finally washed my belongings, (guaranteed they were waiting a while) showing up at the "mat" just in time to snag away my clothes. Maybe it took them multiple tries to make sure I was not coming back in time, maybe they opened the dryer and didn't even wait the full cycle, maybe they even got a team involved. You know Oceans Eleven style, I guarantee there were a few homeless men for hire in the area, maybe they even threw in an extra pair of my socks to sweeten the deal... All I know is that people like jacking my shit from the "mat" and yet I still wont sit there the whole time. Its robbery enough that they want to charge me $4.00 for a small load and $.25 for seven seconds of drying, but who is counting... And you have to love the numerous signs around the place, "we are not responsible for any lost or stolen items", (although 1-8 of those words would probably be misspelled in their version)... Of course you are not responsible, you are probably in on the job, its always an inside job these days, every one is a suspect...
I know there is a slim chance that I accidentally left some of my things stuck inside the machine, but I say nay. I have become quite crafty in the washing machine reach around, I know all of the crevasses that they like to hide my things, I am a thorough checker. Again in my defense there was quite the homeless person cartel in Hell's Kitchen, one dude, I suspected him to be there "Godfather", actually seemed to run his operations out of the "mat" sometimes on cold or rainy days. He would sit in there with his cart of stuff/shit, and other people-homes, would come see him and exchange things with him. I always wanted to go through his stuff to see if there was a chance that he had "accidentally" swiped my clothes mistaking them for his. But when you steal back from the homeless guy, who really looks like the ass? ... So my warning to all of you out there, if you are ever living or traveling in situations where you have a run in with the "mat", be prepared to stick around and see it through, or prepare to have a lighter load when you leave. Or, for the fun of it, go in with a friend, but don't let on that you are with them. Then you leave, and have the friend sit there and watch. This could be extremely uneventful if nothing happens, which is about 98% of the time. But if you are really unlucky/lucky then it will be the perfect way to catch them red handed. Booooya.
Until next time....
