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Today a friend posted something on Facebook that reminded me about a group of people that has driven me insane my entire life... With the thoughts of those memories fresh on my mind I decided that writing a post on the subject was only natural, so here we are. I call them; food snatchers...
Straight to the point, these are the people without manners or dignity that will basically walk up and help themselves to a bit of your food, without even asking... Now, I am not talking about a total stranger and I am assuming this does not happen much outside the food industry and high school, but ever since I was 14 these people have driven me nuts... I remember in middle school, my first had a few encounters with these lawless people... (If you cant tell by now I am very protective of my food). These people have worked out some sort of system that when they are in an environment with enough people eating that they can buy absolutely nothing and go home full... In middle school and high school they went around and picked off stray french fries and chicken nuggets. They worked each persons plate just well enough that anyone would look like a selfish fat bastard if they told them to bug off, and since they lack any form of shame they could just scour the table like a buzzard and eat to their hearts desire... Like I said before I am protective of my food, which basically means that there were no spares, no left overs, no extras for some cheap ass buzzard to come pick off. No, I wanted all six of my nuggets thank you very much... Yet day in and day out they would syphon away 1 tenth of my meal... It was amazing how even they were the ones who would just grab onto other peoples plates that they could make me feel like the cheap bastard if I gave them a look or made a smart comment about them needing to buy their own shit...
After middle school and high school, I thought that these people had pretty much become tame and throughout the years managed to blend into society... Not true, and I found this out the hard way whilst working in the food industry... Ordering and eating on the go is kind of the way you take breaks when you work in a restaurant, at least all of the ones that I have worked in pretty much run this way. So in the break area there is almost always a dish of something that someone is coming back to try and eat when they are not busy... This is the perfect opportunity for the "food snatchers" to usher themselves back into society... And oh boy did one girl in particular make a name for herself at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. Times Sq... Sure, names are irrelevant, but Brandi was the most ruthless french fry and shrimp assassin known to man, so she deserves her name in Blog-istory... If you left your food unattended on a shift with her, it would be no shock to come back to your plate with half the food missing. I honestly tried to avoid buying any finger food when she was there, I liked to think that deterred her every now and then. And when I talk about lack of shame I mean, zero, if she wanted some of your fries and you had not used any ketchup, she would just squirt it out right there on your plate and murder your shit. If you walked back and she was eating your stuff she would just look at you like - thats right bitch, say something... I hated it, everyone hated it, but in order to be the bigger people none of us ever said anything... I worked there for 4 years, and we had a staff of around 100 servers at a time, and as long as she had seen you more than once, your meal was fair game... We all made these secret little jokes like it would be politically incorrect to actually say something, it would be like we were automatically calling her a fat retarded Jew if we just said "hey will you hop off my food for a while, cheers"... Its this ass backward thinking that has made this world a bunch of wieners, me included... Its like I cant say anything to the homeless man pissing on my stoop because he is homeless and he cant help it, but I also cant piss on the bench that he sleeps on or I'm the asshole... Doesn't make any sense I tell you... Well Id better wrap up before I take this post off the political deep end... And make less sense than I did to begin with...
Moral of the story is to just buy your own damn food. If I would have wanted to share, I promise you I would have offered... But as long as my fat ass is paying for the food you can bet that I will be licking the plate clean... For those of you who have never had this happen, you either have always surrounded yourself with people who have eating disorders, or people who have manners... I have not been so fortunate...
