Day 38--- Put the Pictures Back in Your Wallet Please...

To Those Who Make Us Look at Pictures of Their Kids:

I am going to take a stand right now and let you know that no one wants to look at pictures of your children any longer. In fact no one ever has they have just been too afraid to say anything, but it needs to be said. I may be the only one honest enough to bring up the subject, but I assure you that I am not the only one thinking it. All babies really look the same, big bald cone heads, fat cheeks, no teeth, drool. So unless you have a picture of them holding a grenade, or reading a newspaper on the toilet you can count me out. They may have quite the little personality, but this is unfortunately not picked up by film. The only upside to these photos is that I don't have to listen to it cry at the same time.

I understand taking pictures so that they have memories of their childhood, but there is really no need to show me the portfolio of photos you keep in your purse or briefcase. Everyone knows you think your child is special, and that is what makes you a great parent, but that is really as far as you have to go to convince me. I am really tired of pretending to care what you dressed little Bobby up as on his first Halloween, and I'm sure that all of your other friends would agree. You can spare me the photos of that little thing crying on Santa's lap, that's what all babies do, it is not as cute as you think. I'm sure that the Easter egg hunt went brilliantly but I would love to skip the play by play. I don't know why you find it necessary to photo your children naked at every opportunity possible. I'm glad you bathe them in the same sink you wash your dishes in, remind me to not come over for dinner until you find the bath tub. I would oddly enough be more excited to look at your collection of Magic cards or Star Wars action figures ;), than I am to see one more photo of your diaper filler.

I know I moved to LA to get into acting, but until they start handing out awards for acting interested in peoples kids count me out. I'd rather look at pictures of your parents, or your animals, or even your animals parents, maybe those would be interesting. Feel free to flood Facebook, Photobucket, and your blog with them, because at least then I can enter at my own risk. But you make it impossible for me to politely decline in person. So here is my one last plea and promise. If you spare me the rest of your child's photo albums then I will promise you will never have to worry about hiding from me and my kids pictures.

Sincerely,

Ryan