Day 182--- Not The End I Wanted!!!

So apparently other than religion and politics, one should also not blog about the Olympics, touchy subject those things... Although most of you seemed to agree with my boredom there were a few people that did not. Which I fully expected, however I didn't expect to lose followers over it, well one less person I have to save my Kool-Aid for then. Today I have tried to select a person that I believe is mutually hated by everyone worldwide. Even those who love the Winter Olympics... This is why I have decided to write about the douche bags who like to ruin the end of movies or TV shows for the rest of us...

I'll give a little example of a time that this happened to me and almost made me cut a bitch. I was back in Arizona this summer visiting my family who are big time Harry Potter fans, of the movies at least... We wanted to go opening night to get the full wizardly experience and all that, I had even fashioned a wand out of a twig that I found in the parking lot. I'm hard core. After a good hour and a half of waiting in the long ass line that snaked out doors around the building. We were let into the building for another hour long wait... Finally we were let into the theater about 45 minutes before the show time... Now keep in mind I had never read the book/s and although I imagine that most of the people in the theater had, I'm sure that I was not the only one who had no idea of what was to come. Anyways literally as the theater gets that second shade of dark after the previews these two douche bag f-wad teenagers run into the theater and yell "-------- dies at the end just thought you all should know." ( I didn't want to ruin it there just in case some of you have not seen it yet)... Anyways, I don't think I have ever been so pissed off in my life. If I had not been in the perfect seats dead center mid way up I would have chased those little twats and ruined some ends with the wand I had created earlier. Instead I just yelled something witty back, that at least made my ego feel nice...

What is the deal with people like that though, although that was the worst case I have ever had to deal with I have had many encounters with similar situations throughout my life... Cant people just shut their damn mouths. I am so the opposite of this that when I see a movie or something and people are like how was it? What happens in the end? I'll probably never see it. I still cant bring myself to saying anything just in case they do end up seeing it in the future, I don't want them to look back and be like damn Ryan, he ruined this for me... Being such an avid TV show follower, but one who usually watches online on Hulu or something this can be really hard to have conversations at work the day after one of my shows... For instance, I am currently 2 weeks behind on Lost, so if I were to go into work and hear anyone mentioning the most recent episode I would probably have to go over and cut their tongues off. You may think that sounds brutal but I think it is a very fitting offense for people who ruin my excitement. OK maybe the first time they should get their mouths washed out with soap and Sriracha, second offense there goes your tongue, third... balls or tits, whichever you got... If you think I'm joking test me...

See, I am a practical joker, and I have done my fair share of douchey things in my life... Mostly things that will do long term psychological damage though. But this ruining the end of things is just something I would never fathom doing... How lonely and desperate for attention do you have to be? This is like a step below killing kittens in my book, you may disagree, but you can sell a dead cat to a Chinese restaurant. You cant sell a ruined movie ending to anyone now can you? Doesn't sound logical to you? Its OK I'm confused too...

Facebook can be a pretty bad place to be for this thing as well, I can't tell you how many times I have been on there and accidentally seen a status update that has ruined something... These people need to either keep their stupid fingers shut, or make sure to put a spoiler alert warning at the beginning of their posts. So I can Facebook stalk without having to worry about what I am going to read.

Well, on that note I should probably get to bed, but if I wake up to any comments that tell what happens in LOST, 30 Rock, Greys, or about 15 other shows or movies I will find you... I know people and Chinese restaurants.

Day 181--- Winter Borlympics...

I probably should have done this before they were over but I feel like I just needed to say a few things about these Winter Olympics, and the people who watch it, and maybe even something about some of the athletes. Now before I go on I must tell you that all views expressed are not expected to be ones felt by most other people, but its my blog so I can talk about whatever I want. So here goes nothing...

The Winter Games are like that kitchen drawer that you throw all the random shit into that has no where else to go. Some of the items are useful, and some should be thrown away, but you just cant bring yourself to part with them. Curling is one of those items, now, I am not saying that curling doesn't take tremendous skill, but I am saying is this really a sport that is Olympic worthy? Is this really a sport at all? I mean Chess, poker, bocce ball, and flip-cup all require a certain amount of skill but I don't see their events being televised world wide and shoved into the Olympic forum. I have always held to the belief that you should be able to make a movie about any sport that really counts? We've got a bobsled movie, ice skating movies, and I'm sure there are a few skiing movies out there somewhere as well, but to this date I have still never seen a decent plot-line formed around curling. Plus if they wont make Bud the sporty dog curl how are they going to convince our youth that its cool?

At this rate ice fishing, trash-can lid sledding, and snowman building are going to be in the 2014 Winter O's. The upside to curling being allowed in, is that it is really my last chance to ever make it into the Olympics. I hear that the tryouts aren't really tryouts at all in the traditional sense. They are really just a matter of finding enough people to make a full team. City to city they venture trying to find the best sweepers, table football players, and bowlers willing to play on ice. They gather them all up in a room and realize that they are one person short, they make a few soliciting phone calls to see if anyone they know would like to be on TV. They find their guy just in time. Now before you get all pissed off at me, realize I am from America, so I'm allowed to be shallow and close minded, its what we do best.

Then I just found out this year that there is a difference between ice skating and ice dancing, they are both essentially the same thing, but one is just a tad bit gayer. I think if you are not good enough to make the ice "skating" team that you are forced to dress up in a peacock outfit and dance around the ice for 4 minutes. Don't worry though, I am not trying to take away from the gayness of regular ice skating, they can still hold their own...

It really seems that it was the hockey that was on everyone's mind this year, but for some reason I still don't think that will thrust its popularity any higher in the U.S.. They would be better off making a 4Th Mighty Ducks movie with a drugged out Emilio Estevez, that would at least make me want to play again. I think we just have a problem with the lack of scoring, that is why we don't get that into soccer/futbol here either, well that and most of the matches are in Spanish.

To the people who watched and thoroughly enjoyed the Winter Olympics, I salute you for supporting your country. I really do. I am just sad for you that you couldn't find anything better to watch for an entire month. Were there not even Cheers or Seinfeld re-runs on in your area? Do you not have computer access? Is there not a library anywhere near your house? Didn't you have to dry your hair? Or did you just feel bad that NBC lost like 300 million on this deal. Personally I think they would have done better to just give Conan all that money and just let 10 years of his re-runs play over the past month. I certainly would have tuned in. I did notice that a lot of the baby boomers enjoyed watching the Winter games, I have not quite figured out why exactly, it might be one of those things they talk about so they can sound hip, not realizing that nobody around really cares.

I could go on and on but before I get rid of all my blue haired readers I should probably call it quits. Maybe I'll think of something more uplifting for tomorrow, maybe.

Day 180--- Take It OFF!!!

So the U.S lost to Canada tonight in the Hockey Olympic Finals thingy. Big Whoop, finally you guys have found something that you can beat us in (and only like 528 people care about hockey anyways) . Well, this doesn't take into account crime rates, and health care and all the important stuff OK. Basically I am only talking about sports here... Well, Yay. I have another early morning at work so I am going to keep this post short like a midgets temper, I swear those things get angry so easily... Today I would like to call attention to another group of idiots that are too unimportant to name, but just important to blog about; the guys who leave tags and stickers on hats and clothes after they buy them.

I am not sure if this is a worldwide trend, so some of you may not know what I am referring to, consider yourselves lucky. It is basically this trend that popped up here sometime in the 90's and according to the douche bag on the bus today it is still occurring in some smaller, less fashionable cities across the nation.

The most common offenders are the guys who like to keep the size stickers (you know the gold ones) on their fitted sport hats... I think this was one of those things that was started when some big black dude went to school one day after he had bought a new hat and he had forgotten to take the sticker off. When someone pointed it out, instead of allowing himself to look stupid he beat up the guy who told him and claimed that it was the new style. From then on every person at that school with a new hat made it a point to keep the sticker on, peer pressure at its finest. From there it spread out nationally and now plagues my eyes. Two things you may ask, first why does the guy in my story have to be black? Simple, because I like fried chicken. Second, why do I let so many things annoy me, I mean its just a little sticker. Simple again, I like fried chicken...

The keeping of tags on clothes came about a little later, maybe 2001-2-3ish. This could have happened the same way but I like to imagine it this way. Some girl. Whatever shape, size, and color you'd like to imagine. Bought a new dress for a blind date. Since it was a blind date and she hadn't had much luck in the past she spent a little more than she normally would have. She told herself that she would keep the dress if the date went well, and she would return it if it was a flop. To ensure return-ability she taped the tag up inside the dress... At some point during the night, that sneaky bastard of a tag came loose and OK... I'm bored with this story already... We will never really know why the F people keep the tags on their clothes. But what we do know is they must not wash them...

Day 179--- "Robert Oh Robert, Let Down Your Hair"...

Welcome to another installment of bloge de Ryane. I think that's Spanish, just adding an E onto things right? Anyways, today's blog is about dudes with long hair...

I am not talking about the guys with like hair down over their ears, which would be long to most of us and I am not even talking about the emo's with their hair down over one of their eyes. I am talking about shoulder length, walk up behind and mistake for a woman hair... I can think of two times in the history of the world that these hair do's may have been cool. The first is with Samson from the Bible, of course if you get your strength from your long hair it is hip, who knows though. Maybe he just told people that so that they didn't make fun of him for having chick hair, guess we will never know. The second, more recent period in history that it was acceptable to have long hair was during the 70's, 80's, and maybe early nineties when head banging was an acceptable white persons dance move... I mean think about how stupid you would look head banging with short hair, you would most definitely look mentally handicapped. If I were to add a third acceptable time, it would have to include any mullet ever, especially the Billy Ray, but I just think that opens the flood gates to too much interpretation.

What possesses dudes to grow their hair out so long? I really am curious, after the movie Troy one year I decided I was going to grow my hair out so I could be Brad Pitt for Halloween. I made it about 3 weeks past when I would normally cut my hair and had a fit and shaved the entire thing... Are they doing it to stay warm? I can imagine that having long flowing locks of hair would be quite nice in those brisk winter months. But I don't think that is why they do it. Is it so that they can have something in common with the ladies, it may be a great secret ice breaker that I don't know about... "Hey what kind of hair dryer do you use? Your hair is so pretty..." , and you're in. It would just be creepy if I tried this approach. Perhaps they are growing it out in order to one day be able to donate to "Locks of Love", a noble cause I must agree... I am sure that their may be countless reasons that these guys deem it necessary to grow their hair out but I am apparently in the dark to all of the good ones...

Guys with long hair scare me even more than girls with short hair, that should speak volumes... Ratio-ishly speaking girls with short hair can pull the look off 6 out of 10 times, however guys with long hair teeter somewhere between the 0 to 1 range. These facts straight from the United States Census. What is even worse than these guys who insist on having long hair are the ones who also find it poignant to fix it into styles designated for females, I have seen more than one guy with pig-tails in my day and that is not a pretty sight. Either they were in the very early stages of transgender-ing or they were sorely confused as to what their options were with long hair. (the pony tail, or nothing). None of these braids, or bangs, or curls, come on now...

When it is all said and done, most of the dudes of the world with long hair are the ones who could probably kick the shit out of me, so I had better wrap it up here before I take it to far. Mozoltov.

Day 178--- Its Not Funny, But it IS...

I have a new addiction, and it has forced my hand at another post. Before I begin I know I am going to be judged, both for the writing of this post and for the watching of this show. But there are people out there that watched Dawson's Creek so I really don't feel that ashamed. So its time to spill the beans on my new TV show addiction while at the same time introducing today's blog victim... Teen moms...

Now I am fully aware that MTV just selected the most entertaining teens to put on this show, and in this day and age entertaining basically boils down to trashy, stupid, and slutty. So I am not under the impression that all teen moms in the world behave this way. But since I have an observational blog, I felt that the girls on this show could not go un-observed. For those of you who have not seen this show, it basically follows the lives of 4 teen girls for a year or so after they have their first child. How MTV knew that they would all be such a mess and therefore supremely entertaining I will never know, but I also don't know why M(usic)TV does not play music any more, I've learned to stop asking questions.

Part of me hopes that MTV is just playing this show so as a form of birth control for all of the other little idiots out there who think that they need to be riding the crazy train in 8Th grade... OK, I may be old fashioned, but I think it just seems weird to be baby-making before you can even drive. Besides this is why Christians invented oral sex, so they could have some fun before marriage without breaking all the rules... (That sounded totally awful, but I used this loop-hole as well...) Speaking of holes, where are the dads in all of this. I all of a sudden feel bad that I am putting the moms on blast when it is really the dads little swimmers who are at fault. On the show there is only one couple that seems to still get along. The rest of them look like they want to kill each other, and then there is the one whorish girl who probably doesn't even know who the baby daddy is, and if she does MTV certainly doesn't.

We all know that 9 out of 10 first children are accidents, but why is it that these accidents continue to happen to younger and younger girls. Is it the music? Should we blame Lady Gaga? Is it the movies or the video games? We like to blame these sources for almost everything else... I have an idea, maybe it is the teens parents, granted they cant stop them from everything, but in the case of the girls on the show it doesn't even seem like they try... Maybe it is just the times though. When I graduated from high school in 03' there was one girl in my graduating class who had a kid, out of like 1200 of us. Nowadays most high schools are probably having to build day cares in them. Holy shit. I just realized I graduated almost 7 years ago. I feel old all of a sudden...

The thing that bothers me most is that these days it really is quite easy to find a very accessible form of contraceptive, but none of these kids even seem to try... I mean sure it may be embarrassing to buy a box of wiener hats before you are even old enough to shave, but that is certainly better than having your first child before you are old enough to shave. In my humble opinion... And I am not huge on education (lol), but come on ladies at least finish high school... Otherwise how are you going to expect to convince your kid to stay in school when they get to that age? You know kids are notorious for using the old "well you didn't do it and you turned out fine"... What they never realize is that you turned out fine because you left him with the grand parents and stripped every night... Otherwise life would have been Top Ramen and Food Stamps for this kid.

This whole situation reminds me of some Flight Of the Conchords stand up. I'm not going to go into detail because it is way less funny without their accents and I could not find video. But if you watch their old HBO special you will know what I mean... Basically they talk about babies having babies... Thank you for reading this random seemingly out of place paragraph...

Here are a list of reasons that you are too young to have a child:

1. You still play with dolls or sleep with a stuffed animal.

2. You sleep with a night light on.

3. You have never had a job, because you are not old enough.

4. The longest book you have ever read had pictures in it.

5. You share a room with your older sibling.

6. You take the bus to school.

7. You are not permitted to an R rated movie without an adult.

8. Your kid will be 6 before you can legally drink.

9. You will have to get your parents to drive your kid to daycare.

10. The majority of your news comes from your Facebook feed or Nickelodeon.

11. If you still wet the bed.

Two condoms do not work better than one, but will almost guarantee a fun game of hide and seek...

You are welcome for that picture.