Where do these playful old men come from? It would appear that they just walked off the set of Miami Vice or Hawaii 5-0. Yes, you guessed it, I'm talking about the group of grandpas who still think it is stylish to wear those flowered Hawaiian shirts every day of the year. Not just everyday though, but every where. From Costco to BINGO they are dressed in hula attire.
In my opinion this wear is only acceptable in 3 places; a cruise ship, a vacation somewhere tropical, or in the confines of your own retirement home. I don't think in the dead of winter you should pull off your parka to uncover this flowery mess, topped off with puka shells (but I have seen it, I promise!). Not to mention the fact that the men who do this are on average one to two buttons below standard protocol. I'm sure a majority of these gentlemen have owned their collection of flowered shirts since Elvis made them popular in the 50-60's. (Probably even more popular than his acting). Maybe even some brought them back during WWII/ Pearl Harbor, this does not make them stylish, this means they are heirlooms ready to be retired, or buried.
Is this our fault? Have we gotten so lazy when shopping for our grandpa's that we resort to the "Tommy Bahama" gift certificate every time. The only person winning in this situation is Tommy himself. Even his employees are sick of dealing with the putrid smell of moth balls (or old man balls for that matter). Is there away to put an end to this silver chest hair parade that has been polluting my eyes for years? Ive seen enough old men running around like Tony Montana to last me a life time, (Scarface reference) I'm afraid for our children. Just because you've retired does not mean you've moved to the tropics. I love shirts that show my chest hair as well, but there is a time and a place for this; my home, working out, or the beach. I personally think you guys should stick to the button ups with pocket protectors and Velcro shoes. You've been rockin those since I was born and not once has this style gotten an adverse reaction.
I'm not hating on your age, so don't get offended, I'm simply playing Joan Rivers best and worst dressed here. All of you Sean Connery wannabe's out there, I realize that you're old and senile and typically get away with stuff like this, but just try and be considerate next time your behind me in line at Luby's Cafeteria. And for the love of all that is good, if you are forced to wear one, be generous with the buttoning. I do not want to see the tattoo on your chest that used to be and anchor and now looks like a dong. Remember gravity and sun damage has taken full affect, be courteous. Cheers.
Below I've included a list of older men who are still allowed to wear the flower button ups wherever they want:
If you can think of anymore, please leave them as comments. I'm sure you can think of at least one.